So I was thinking about a few things and wondering if anybody else could relate. I hear that confession is good for the soul, so here are a few of mine!
So I was thinking about what happened to me last night. I'm chuckling to myself as I type, because I was sooooooooooo pissed and I couldn't WAIT to write this blog post so you all could share in my pissivity! However, now I as I think about it, you might just laugh...we'll see! Gather around for story time...
After about 3 months of being on lock down last year, I was legit losing my mind. The extroverted side of my ambivertism was on super struggle mode. I experienced extreme bouts of sadness and loneliness, mixed in with a level of anxiety I hadn't known beforehand. In June, when the weather started to break and some COVID restrictions were being modified, I vowed to not let myself get to that space again. Since then, one of my rituals is that I make it my business to work at my parents' place at least once a week. It's imperative for my mental health.
Yesterday was my day and after I completed work at 6PM, my mother had me putting together this tray for my daddy to eat on. For whatever reason, she had to get fancy and order one that needed assembly. I won't even tell you how long it took me to put it together, but I got'er done! My parents live in an apartment complex and there is a time limit on how long visitors can be parked in their lot. The time used to be 9PM, now it's 6PM. And obviously I'm aware of this, but if I'm in the lot and and am visiting my parents beyond 6PM, I don't move my car right away and have never had a problem. Well, they got me right together.
I was leisurely strolling to my car, feeling really tired, but relieved to be going home and thinking about all the things I needed to do when I got there, but also trying to decide what TV watching I was going to do first. As visions of Franklin Saint and Offred danced in my head, I rounded the corner to where my car was parked, and I immediately snapped out of my planning stupor as I saw a tow truck and my car slightly removed from its space. I broke out in this awkward skip run combo and made it to my car because it wasn't even up on the truck yet, but it seemed like when the guy saw me, he sped up to get the car completely hitched. As the car was being lifted, I'm hitting on the side of it, still skiprunning, and crying/yelling "PLEASE PLEASE! I'm right here! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I didn't launch into a full-on sprint because I had so many thoughts racing through my head; about possibly falling if I ran, about how embarrassed I was because there were about 5-6 young people walking toward my direction and I'm sure I sounded and looked ridiculous and they probably thought my car was being repo'd. I thought about how much it might cost to get my car back and how I didn't have the extra money. I thought about how catching up to the car was probably a losing battle anyway. I also thought about the choice words I would share with ol boy when I went to get my car. AND I thought about how I was JUST having a conversation about my son's irresponsibility and how he needs to get it together...🤦🏾♀️...pot meet kettle...
My mother ended up taking me to get the car and on the way I was letting her know that she should prepare her ears, cuz homeboy was bout to get cussed TF out! When I got to the place, I started getting even angrier cuz the chick helping me just walked up and said, "I need your ID". No greeting or smile, hell, she barely looked up. But then she started asking me if I lived at the address and when I told her it was my parents, she proceeds to say how my mother knew she should have given me a permit and let me know when I should move my car. I let her know about how much of a hassle it is dealing with the apartment office and told her I was aware of the time, but it had never been a problem before. She said well maybe "they" hadn't been patrolling at the times I was out there before. Then, I explain to her that regardless of all she's talking about, I was outside before my car was hoisted and I yelled out letting the guy know it was my car and he started moving faster. She goes on to tell me that he had probably already hooked the car and when that happens, recording starts so he couldn't drop the car until he got to the lot AND she said because of the neighborhood, when I said something to the guy, I was an automatic threat! I said "ME?! I'M A THREAT?! WITH A BOOKBAG ON MY BACK AND CRYING AND YELLING PLEASE?!" Then this lady gone say, "Well, I'm just the dispatcher." I wanted to be like heaux well STFU talking to me then if you're JUST the dispatcher!! Whew! I'm getting mad all over again thinking about it. The last thing that BLEW me was she had to take a copy of my license, so when I signed the credit card slip, she told me to be sure that I sign exactly like the signature on my license or they wouldn't be able to release the car because the slip goes through some type of machine and if it isn't exact, the gate wouldn't open. At this point I thought I was getting punked.
Sometimes it seems like these kinda things only happen to me. At least I got my car back. Shout out to my mama! I learned some lessons too: fat meat is in fact very greasy, I could stand to take heed to my own responsibility advice, and a towing company should be my next business venture!
Have any of you ever experienced something like this? Let me know in the comments! I love to hear from you.
So I was thinking about this phrase that some of my friends and I have jokingly repeated for over 20 years now. Let me give you a little background. An incident happened years ago at the church where I grew up. I don't know if it was during Sunday School or a young adult bible study or what, but this particular day one of the ministers shared a "fact" that one of the attendees just found to be utterly ridiculous and nonsensical. And in her signature high pitched voice, she exclaimed, "Bro.______________, YOU WORRIED 'BOUT THE WROOOOONG THING!" It was funny then and it is STILL hilarious all these years later to those of us who were there and/or have heard this story a million times!
That phrase is in regular rotation of sayings that I repeat from movies, songs, other funny happenings, etc, but for some reason it has been on a loop in my brain for the last couple weeks (and always in the originator's voice, lol). Although the origin story is comical and the sentence is not really grammatically correct, I feel like it is chock full of wisdom! It can be a profoundly simple reminder that many times, we worry about things that don't even matter! For me, in the last year or so, that has become more and more evident. With so much unexpected turmoil and loss in the world, I'm realizing how insignificant many things are. But, I think that little sentence has been at the forefront of my thoughts more often, because I've apparently been slipping and letting my ego, fears, insecurities, expectations, past mistakes, unforgiveness, etc, take me to a place of worry that I don't need to be in. There's so much more that I should/could be focusing on like the present, moving forward, helping others, relationships, working on the areas that I have the power to change, pushing toward my goals...most of all my focus should be on taking all fear, worries, problems, uncertainties, etcetera, etcetera, to the God I profess to believe in and serve!
I must add that I also like to use this phrase on my almost 19 year old who is CONSISTENTLY worried about the wrong thing! LOL...so what are you worried about that you shouldn't be? What has you spiraling or has been trying to knock you off your square?? What things do you think REALLY matter in the long run? Share with me in the comments! In the meantime, when you find yourself overcome with worry over something trivial or beyond your control or maybe not even your business, look yourself in the mirror and say, "YOU WORRIED 'BOUT THE WROOOOOONG THING!"
So I was thinking about yesterday, trying to find the words to clearly express what I feel. Like many of you, I was happy and relieved upon the announcement of the verdict in the Chauvin case. Guilty of all charges is what I wanted to hear...it's the only thing that makes sense...I would think his guilt was obviously beyond reasonable doubt...but even with the undeniable evidence and truth, I wasn't expecting it. And that part made me sad, that we can't just expect justice because it's right. What makes me even more sad is that we continue to find ourselves in this same scenario. It's like a really depressing, exhausting, and cruel, remake of the movie, Groundhog's Day.
Even in our celebrating, I think we were all aware that this is just the beginning and there is much more work to be done within the police and justice systems. But, we couldn't even focus on that celebration and the plans going forward for a full evening without mourning the MURDER of ANOTHER young, Black GIRL who sought out help from the folk in place to protect and serve, but was instead SHOT TO DEATH by the cop who was supposed to be there to help. Why the hell are these people joining the force if they are so AFRAID, that their first reaction is shooting to kill. Are they not taught deescalation techniques? Do they not know how to intelligently and objectively assess a situation and respond accordingly?? Are Black people (of all ages) really that terrifying and threatening?!? Why would such scary people choose a career in law enforcement?! I can't stand blood and vomit and gore and sickness, so I should pursue a career as a doctor or nurse, right? Since I'm afraid of heights, clearly my career choice should be a pilot, right?! Please make it make sense!! I'm at a loss...
So I was thinking about how it's hard to live when life is happening. And I don't mean that in a suicidal way. I just mean when I have lots of 💩 going on, sometimes I want to say, "Eff everything and everybody while I deal with this or that!" It reminds me of Beyonce's line in the song Feeling Myself, "I stop the world, world stop...carry on." But since I'm not Queen Bey and the world doesn't revolve around me and life goes on regardless of what's going on in my life, I must keep on pushing. And guess what. That kinda sucks. The completely human, only slightly optimistic, totally exhausted, partially faith filled side of me just wants to crawl in my bed, soak my pillow with tears, wallow in my troubles, gorge my worries, abandon the gig and any other projects I have, and be obnoxiously self-absorbed. That's it. That's the blog. There is no light at the end of the tunnel message. There's no all things working together for my/your good encouragement. It's just my raw, honest feelings at the moment that I'm letting just be and wanted to share. Maybe you can relate. Maybe not. But, that's what I was thinking.
So I was thinking about how QUICKLY this hiatus went by and *in my Kevin Hart voice* I wasn't ready! I wasn't blogging, but I definitely kept busy and of COURSE I was always thinking. The break was much needed, and even though the time seemed to fly, I'm excited to share my random thoughts with all 17 of you again! 😂 Here's a quick run-through of some of the thoughts that have invaded my head as of late.
So I was thinking that I'd better take a break. Remember last week when I talked about having so much going on and so much on my mind? Well, I think it would be smart for me to take a thing or two off my plate while I square some things away. This will be my first and last post for the month. I'll be back April 7th! In the meantime, catch up on any posts you may have missed.
Thanks for your support and see ya next month!
So I was thinking about a plethora of things, so much that I forgot to prepare a post for last Wednesday. I started to beat myself up about it because of the commitment I made to consistency for this year. I quickly put the whip down and gave myself grace when I remembered that I have published at least 2 extra posts since I started, so it balances out.
There's so much, I don't even know where to start or how to start or if I should even start. How much should I/do I want/need to share?? Is there a limit to my transparency??? I'll just let my fingers do the talking and see where they land.
Sooooooooo...what are YOU thinking??
So I was thinking I'd have waaaaaaay more to say. I went ahead and got vaccinated 12 days ago. It was quick and the actual shot hurt less than a flu shot. I had extreme arm pain for about a day and a half. Since then, things have been rather uneventful. Thankfully, other than the heavy, piercing brick that seemed to be in my arm for 36 hours, there were no adverse effects. I didn't grow or lose any limbs, go blind, or die...not even any fever or fatigue. I received the Pfizer vaccine and I get the second dosage in 9 days. People have been telling me that the second dose will have me down and out for about a half day to 3 days, but I hope to dodge that bullet too. I'll keep y'all posted.
Announcement: The Optimistic Divorcees are back!! After 4 years, Shari and I have done a reboot and The Optimistic Divorcees Podcast launched this past Monday! We're optimistic about life, real about love, and looking forward to sharing our thoughts, experiences, insight, and laughs. We have a great line-up of interesting topics and awesome guests and you do NOT want to miss any of it! New episodes will air every Monday on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, and Spotify. Go now, subscribe, listen, and rate...you can write a review too. Lastly spread the word!! Our podcast isn't JUST for divorcees. We'll be speaking on topics surrounding different aspects of relationships that anyone can relate to. You can follow us on Instagram at @TheOptDivorcees or search The Optimistic Divorcees on Facebook to stay in the loop.
So I was thinking about an experience I had a couple days ago with a family member. Before I continue, let me issue this disclaimer: I have this blog and also have a podcast launching soon. I won't say names, but NOBODY is exempt from being discussed on one of my platforms. Just something to keep in mind. 😉
Anyway, this family member sent me one of the most deliberately hurtful, disturbingly vile, laughingly inaccurate, glaringly projecting texts I’ve ever received in my life. In my almost 42 years, I’ve had my share of atrocious things done and said to me that have nearly destroyed me. But, however unfortunate, each experience sparked exponential growth and the lessons learned were invaluable, effectively preparing me for whatever obstacle I might encounter next. This was no different...well...it did feel a bit different, but maybe because I haven’t “let” words rattle me like this in a long time. I would describe the emotional pain like a poisonous arrow through the heart that caused excruciating pain as it went in and continued to sting as the arrow was removed and an apparatus was used to suck out the venom.
I felt like I had nearly mastered the art of protecting my peace. I thought I was an expert at not sweating the small stuff and realizing that in the grand scheme of things, it’s ALL small. This shook me though. The words and intent behind them continue to replay in my head. 2 main reasons I think the content of the text is living rent free in my head: