We Celebrate. We Mourn.

So I was thinking about yesterday, trying to find the words to clearly express what I feel. Like many of you, I was happy and relieved upon the announcement of the verdict in the Chauvin case. Guilty of all charges is what I wanted to hear...it's the only thing that makes sense...I would think his guilt was obviously beyond reasonable doubt...but even with the undeniable evidence and truth, I wasn't expecting it. And that part made me sad, that we can't just expect justice because it's right. What makes me even more sad is that we continue to find ourselves in this same scenario. It's like a really depressing, exhausting, and cruel, remake of the movie, Groundhog's Day. 
Even in our celebrating, I think we were all aware that this is just the beginning and there is much more work to be done within the police and justice systems. But, we couldn't even focus on that celebration and the plans going forward for a full evening without mourning the MURDER of ANOTHER young, Black GIRL who sought out help from the folk in place to protect and serve, but was instead SHOT TO DEATH by the cop who was supposed to be there to help. Why the hell are these people joining the force if they are so AFRAID, that their first reaction is shooting to kill. Are they not taught deescalation techniques? Do they not know how to intelligently and objectively assess a situation and respond accordingly?? Are Black people (of all ages) really that terrifying and threatening?!? Why would such scary people choose a career in law enforcement?! I can't stand blood and vomit and gore and sickness, so I should pursue a career as a doctor or nurse, right? Since I'm afraid of heights, clearly my career choice should be a pilot, right?! Please make it make sense!! I'm at a loss...