So I've been thinking about the various goings on in the world today, especially the subject of rape and sexual assault. Of course, this is top of mind in light of the high profile stories of Cosby and Kavanaugh that have been in the news recently. I have been struggling to gather my thoughts and words regarding this and I'm still not certain that I am able to properly articulate my feelings. I'm also apprehensive about even addressing this matter. The dialogue that I've seen on social media has been so harsh and combative, that I started to think that maybe I wouldn't even touch this with a ten foot pole! Some people have resorted to insults and name calling due to differing opinions. I understand that folk are passionate about their stance, but as adults, the least we should be able to do is RESPECTFULLY agree to disagree and then continue to interact or not interact accordingly. 
​Instead of going back and forth on social media, I wanted to use the platform that I have to share my opinion. I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet. Rape and sexual assault is wrong! Regardless of what time a person visits another person, regardless of attire or the lack thereof, regardless of occupation, previous encounters, drug use, etc., it is never warranted. No human being has the right to violate another human being under ANY circumstance. 
​I'm disgusted by the extreme lack of empathy for victims of rape and sexual assault. It saddens me that we tend to not believe victims when they don't come forward in the time frame that we deem suitable. It fills me with sorrow when we continually blame the victim. I'm remorseful for ever having either of these flawed ways of thinking. A culprit's financial status or position of power and prestige does not excuse this ultimate violation, neither does their race. Just because white men seem to experience more leniency when it comes to suffering the consequences of such crimes, it doesn't excuse minorities and justice should be served either way. The call for justice shouldn't depend on whether or not another person who did the same thing was tried and convicted.
I just want us all to do better. Put yourself in the victim's shoes. Think about how you would feel if you or someone close to you was violated in such a way. It's shameful that many times we don't have compassion for others about certain things until that situation shows up at our doorstep. 

So I was thinking about the 15+ years of experience I have working in call centers. The bulk of my experience has been in collections and I currently work in customer service/central scheduling for a medical group. One of the things that has remained constant across the companies I've worked for and the industries I've been in, is how rude you all are. Yep, I'm talking about YOU! I know it's you because it has been me and I still have to check myself from time to time when I handle my affairs. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I've talked to some of you! LOL!! Some of y'all are seriously THEE WORST! A lot of you positive, upstanding, kindhearted, spiritual, peaceful, and admirable individuals turn into straight up ornery jerk faces when it's time to handle business over the phone (And sometimes in person). Then, after you've showed your tail, you have the audacity to wonder why you received less than stellar service! Now, I know there are times when you get a truly incompetent or rude rep. Though that may be the case, I admonish you to approach them with a certain level of respect, calm, tact, and empathy. Think about how you like to be treated at your place of employment or how you feel when you may be going through a rough patch or having a not so good day, but have to work anyway. This message is for me too. I'm a stickler for exceptional customer service and have been known to be hard on people providing me service. But, this is one of a ton of new leaves I've turned over, so I'm way better and am still working on me.

I'm going to share a few tips with you on how to be a good customer. Follow these guidelines and I guarantee you'll get better service. You'll also keep that blood pressure down!

• Do not be condescending or rude. I haven't been cussed out by ANYONE as much as I have at work. From being called a female dog to being told to go eff myself, I've heard it all. People also love to insult my intelligence by calling me dumb or an idiot. That one seems to be a customer favorite. And don't forget the racial slurs! I've even had folk make ignorant assumptions about my salary and education. Then, there are the ones who are just short or condescending in their tone. No matter how you may feel you have been wronged or how frustrated you may be, you have no right to disrespect another human being. How do you expect that anyone would want to cheerfully and thoroughly assist you or even have the capacity to do so after you've been such a donkey?? Does being disrespected motivate you to do your best at work??? People are more prone to go that extra mile for you when you are nice and pleasant.
• Do not tell the rep how to do their job. "You can make the appointment because the girl did it the other day." "You don't need to do that, all you have to do is..." "You can waive the fee." Ma'am or sir, I don't care if you were sitting in the cubicle next to me yesterday, don't tell me how to do my job, because you DON'T know! One thing that is also constant in the workplace and ESPECIALLY in call centers, is change! Policies change, laws change, procedures change, systems change. I may have had the capability to do something yesterday or a few hours ago, that I can no longer do. Aside from that, as an employee of a company and not a self-employed business owner, I have to do as I am instructed and follow the rules just like you do at your job! Don't be mean when you can't get your way. If you have a legitimate question or concern, there is no harm in politely asking to speak with a member of management/leadership. But, don't assume that you know because when you THINK you know, you really have NO idea!
• Don't rush. You shouldn't call or go somewhere to handle business if you are in a hurry. Sometimes it isn't possible to anticipate a company's call volume or level of traffic, neither can you always properly gauge the complexity of the business that you need handled. Mistakes are more prone to happen when a person is being rushed. And more often than not, when something can't be taken care of in the time frame that you expect, it causes you to have an attitude which isn't fair, because you should make sure to manage your time better! 
• Have your stuff together. Be prepared! For example, if you're making a payment, have the method ready. If you're requesting  information, have paper or pen handy, or some other means that will allow you to record information. If you're requesting medication refills, know the name of the medication. Many times people have the gall to be upset with the person assisting them, when its THEM who isn't prepared!
• Listen. Turn down the radio. Finish your conversation before you make a call or go into an office. Stop interrupting the person who is helping you. 

None of this means that you should ignore bad service or not speak up when you've been mistreated or a mistake has been made. It just means that you should go about things respectfully and simply follow the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you! 

So I was thinking about all of the great shows that are everywhere right now. In my opinion, the last 5-7 years has provided us with some of the best tv of my lifetime. I watched tv a lot as a child but as time went on and I became an adult, I could go months at a time without even turning my television on. When I would watch, there was very little that I was interested in. For years, I was without any form of cable and I didn't even miss it. I still don't pay for a standard cable package, but there are many other ways to watch quality programming nowadays. I have service via Comcast/Xfinity, but I only have basic local channels, HBO, and internet. I pay for a few other streaming services, but there is still about a $55-$75 difference from when I had cable. 
The award show that honors the best in television, The Emmys, comes on tonight and I thought I would share with you some of the shows I watch and the services I use to watch them. 

1. Netflix - Unless you've been sleeping under a rock, buried deep beneath the ground in another dimension, you know all about this streaming service. I love it because of the variety of programming that it offers and it is still reasonably priced with monthly plans ranging from $7.99-$13.99/month. Another good perk is that you can watch Netflix ANYWHERE as long as there is Wi-Fi; on your computer, phone, tablet, and gaming or streaming devices (e.g. Playstation, Apple TV, or Roku). Netflix streams old and new feature films, made for tv movies, network and cable television series, sitcoms, reality shows, comedy specials, and documentaries. They even offer Netflix original movies, series, sitcoms, comedy specials, and documentaries. If you miss watching something on tv in real time, you can usually find it on Netflix at the end of the season or at some point before the new season starts. Some of my favorite shows I've watched/am watching are Breaking Bad, Orange is the New Black, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Disjointed, Atypical, Ozark, Luke Cage, Weeds...and that's just to name a few.
2. Hulu - This is a streaming service similar to Netflix and can be streamed the same ways as listed above. I find that the movies they offer are usually a bit more dated than what is offered on Netflix. However, I like Hulu because they stream many sitcoms and series in more real time than Netflix. For instance, if I miss watching This is Us (which if you haven't watched, you should because it is the best show on tv and you can watch the previous seasons so you can get your life and be caught up for the season premiere on 9/25) on Tuesday, I can watch that episode the next day. I also keep up with some of my other favorites like, Marlon, Jane the Virgin, and How to Get Away With Murder. Like Netflix, Hulu offers original programming as well. So far, the only original series I've watched is Casual, but I have several others on my list to watch, including the award winning Handmaid's Tale. Hulu also offers the ability to add-on Showtime, HBO, or Cinemax AND they have a live streaming service. I purchase the Showtime add-on to watch Shameless and The Chi, then I cancel once the season is over. Prices for their various offerings range from $7.99-$39.99. My favorite Hulu feature is that you can pause your membership from 1 to 12 weeks, unlike Netflix which you would just have to cancel and reinstate. 
   
3. Philo - This is a live streaming service that offers packages of 40 or 49 channels. I ended up getting this service because whatever I couldn't find on Hulu, Netflix, or YouTube, I would find on my Kodi app on Firestick, however, I wasn't able to locate all of the shows that I like to watch on the OWN network. Philo is one of 3 streaming apps that has the OWN network, but it is the cheapest. I pay $16/month for 40 channels including, OWN, BET, Paramount, and the Food Network. I stream via the Philo app on my phone or Philo app on Firestick, and to my understanding, it can also be streamed via Apple TV and Roku.
4. Amazon Prime - I pay for Amazon Prime in order to get free two day shipping on items that I order via Amazon, but, with the Prime membership comes access to their music and tv programming. I usually use Amazon Prime around the holiday season, from Halloween to New Year, because I LOVE watching holiday movies and they have a lot. I stream via the Firestick and Apple TV. During the holiday season, I also purchase the Hallmark and Lifetime Movie apps. Amazon Prime is $12.99/month or $119 for the year.

Whew! It is amazing how television, and the way we watch it, has evolved. And there is just too much GOOD tv out there! My list of things to watch is long and ever growing. I'm sure I'll have more to add after watching the Emmys tonight. How do you watch your favorite shows and what do you like to watch? Share with me in the comments!

So I was thinking about how I hear/see some parents say that their child is their best friend. No matter how many times I hear that sentiment, I always have the same reaction of bewilderment. My mind just can't grasp the concept. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a parent/child friendship is impossible, but them being BEST friends makes a bit more sense to me once the child is an adult, AT LEAST. I see this best friend label used on children under the age of 18, all the way down to toddler and infant age! I just don't understand.
Maybe I feel strongly because of how I was brought up. My parents told me that they weren't one of my lil friends. I was taught to stay in a child's place and out of grown folks business. It was ingrained in me that certain conversation, language, and activities were inappropriate between children and adults, especially when they were your parents. Aside from that, I didn't WANT my mother or father to be my bestie and now as a parent, I don't want my son to be my best friend. To me, a best friend is a peer, an EQUAL with whom I can relate on multiple levels, someone with shared interests, someone whose conversation I enjoy, who I desire to spend time with, and most of all someone with whom I can talk to about ANYTHING and vice versa. 
Right now, my main role in my son's life is as his parent. I'm here to instruct and guide, discipline and mold, love and protect. We do enjoy each other's company and I've made it my business to establish a relationship with my son where he feels comfortable talking to me about most things, but there are boundaries set and lines drawn which I make sure are not crossed. I teach my boy the importance of relationship and encourage him to develop friendships with children his own age. But, when he needs that extra boost of wisdom and guidance or just needs to talk some things out, and doesn't feel comfortable coming to me, I implore him to use all available outlets; talking to his dad when he feels he can and talking to another adult he trusts, like his uncle. I encourage him to journal and he also goes to therapy. In my opinion, having boundaries and other outlets allows for a certain level of respect to be maintained between the parent and child, ESPECIALLY when the child is below the age of 21. I've witnessed scenarios where parents and children become such friends to each other that the line between friendship and parenthood becomes super thin and the behavior of the child, though usually unintentional, crosses over into disrespect. 
As an adult child, I can say that my relationship with my parents, especially my mother, has moved into more of a friendship status. However, she isn't my BFF. She is not my peer. I still revere her as my mother FIRST and there are certain things I don't wish to discuss with her, places I don't want to go with her, she doesn't expect it, and I know that the feeling is mutual. And that's just what works for US!
I'd like to hear from you! Is your child(ren) your best friend? Are you best friends with your parents? And if you have young children, how does being best friends with them work? What exactly does it mean? Talk to me in the comments, fill out the contact form​, or email me at [email protected].

So I was thinking about how yesterday would have been my 21st year wedding anniversary and this week marks 14 years that I've been divorced. Now, when people hear that I remember these dates and actually think about what the date is every year, they tend to believe that I'm still holding on to things and that I have not gotten over my ex. Not so. Unfortunately, I just have that type of memory. For some reason, seemingly insignificant details get stuck in my head, especially dates. Like I remember that Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were murdered on my birthday and that Anna Nicole Smith died on the day of my brother's funeral. I even remember that Barry White died on July 4th because I heard the announcement on the radio right before getting out of the car as we were headed to the Taste of Chicago. I also remember the birthdays of random co-workers, old classmates, and acquaintances; I'm talking people who probably haven't thought of me in years or ever! Weird, I know, but that's why I remember these sucky September dates and every time I remember it's like a band-aid being ripped from an exceptionally hairy part of your arm. You know how you let out a yelp from the shock and the sting, then have to deal with the residual redness and soreness until it all fades and you forget you ever had a band-aid, or an injury for that matter? Well, I'm writing this in the middle of the redness and soreness. 

I'm not sad, but just reflecting on the pain that I endured in my marriage and then in my separation and divorce. As I mull over different scenarios, I finally just stop and thank God that I have come so far. From depressed, stressed, and broken to happy, peaceful, and whole. There were times when I had no idea how I would make it through and points when I thought that it would be impossible to survive. When I think back, it's nothing short of a miracle that I made it to the other side of so much despair. As I continue to reflect, I'm grateful and relieved and now the soreness is beginning to subside and the spot isn't as red. 

Now, I'm reviewing my journey through singledom and that's where I linger for a while. I'm not quite sure what I expected when my status changed from married to divorced. I definitely didn't think that dating or finding love again would be a big deal. Linda, listen. This whole single, dating thing has been one of the hardest phases of my life! It was difficult for me to jump back in the saddle, especially when I had never really been IN the saddle! I was married at 18 and pretty much missed the years when most young people usually get into the swing of dating. I was a total fish out of water and honestly, at times I still feel that way. At first I felt kind of desperate and obsessed with the idea of dating and trying to find a new man aka I was acting real thirsty! LOL! Over time, I realized that I needed this measure of singleness, to heal, focus, and find myself. So I did that. I discovered my likes and dislikes, handled some business, embraced my style and personality, cultivated relationships with family and friends, traveled, realized some talents and dreams, and just got to know and love Cheryce. I thought that once I did all of that and was content and comfortable with myself and my status, that dating would be easier. *insert eye-roll here*. For ME, it isn't easy and it ain't fun. I'm not Catholic, but I've contemplated leaving behind my earthly possessions to join my nearest convent. In 14 years, I have not had a substantial romantic relationship and that baffles me. Although (mostly) optimistic, I can't help but have moments of sadness and frustration. This is where I get stuck. The redness is basically gone and the soreness is leaving, but the spot is starting to throb on its way out. I ponder and consider. I dissect and analyze, and I still can't figure it out...I continue to think about the people I've encountered, the experiences I've had, the lessons I've learned, the bullets I've dodged and again, the feelings of relief and gratitude return. I'm starting to conclude that everything regarding my love life will unfold as it should and in its perfect timing, as long as I go with the flow of life and rest in the fact that despite detours, my steps have always been ordered. I just need to keep doing me and living my best life. I don't need to pick up my nun habit just yet...Wouldja look at that? I don't even remember where that band-aid was!

So I was thinking about how judgy we all tend to be at times. Yes. ALL of us. And it seems to come so easy. Why is that? Why does it seem to be second nature for us humans to be such Judge Judys? And most times when we've put on our People's Court robe, we don't have any true knowledge of what it is that we've deemed ourselves qualified to judge in the first place. Please. Don't even think about reading this and saying to yourself, "Well, she's not talking about me. I'm not a judgmental person." Ma'am or sir, yes, it is you that I speak of. We all do it and it is my belief that many of our relationships and interactions with people would improve exponentially if we took more time to think, communicate, and empathize rather than judge and condemn. Here are 3 reasons we should all be more conscious of our judge-o-meter.

1. You often find yourself eating your words. How many times have you heard about a situation and said, "I would never..."? How often have you been in conversation with a friend or family member and said, "You're crazy for that, if I were you.."? Think about the times that you've said, "How could they do that?! That's so dumb/unhealthy/wrong/." Now think about the times you have found yourself in some of the same predicaments, leaning toward the same decisions that you so confidently declared wouldn't be you. You know why this happens? Because sometimes you don't know WHAT you'd do in certain instances until it happens to you. There are multiple layers to many things in life that will at times find you in the midst of a decision that may go against your usual personal convictions, religious beliefs, common sense, or moral compass. When real life happens and other factors come into play like emotions, other people, desperation, necessity, grief, etc., the solution that once seemed black and white becomes a murky shade of gray. Never say never.
2. There is more than meets the eye. Passing judgment is easy when you're on the outside looking in. It's better to just be quiet if you don't know all the ins and outs of a situation. When I was growing up I remember hearing people say, "talk what you know". I would suggest that if you see something that causes concern regarding a loved one, you: a. Pray (if that's your belief) and b. lovingly communicate with that person...if you must.
3. You are not perfect and you don't know everything! Nobody is perfect! You may have your finances together and may be a frugal shopper, but you have no self-control when it comes to food. You may have a perfect bill of health physically, but no healthy relationships. You may have 4 degrees from the creme de la creme of institutions of higher learning, but can't hold down a job. Don't point a finger in judgment when you still have those others pointing back at you. Then, sometimes we forget that we once had to overcome that which we now judge! The other part of this is that we shouldn't even feel comfortable voicing an opinion regarding a subject that we really know nothing about or don't understand.

Judge less, learn more. Judge less, pray more. Judge less, love more!