"If you tap into your true story, and share that, it resonates." -Michelle Obama, Oprah Interview


So I was thinking about how I was going to give my take on the whole John Gray interview debacle, but I decided against it. I came to the conclusion that I have already given that too much energy. I've got my own big fish to fry over here. The other day I told a couple of my co-workers that I didn't want to be a parent anymore. It may all be in my head, but I felt like they looked at me the same way I’m imagining you’re looking at your screen; with ultimate dismay and judgment. But hey, I said what I said and that's exactly what I meant at the time.
Allow me to explain, if you will. Throughout the years, every time I've felt like I had a grasp on this whole being a mother and co-parenting thing, something happens that knocks the wind out of me and bursts my super mom bubble. And, that has become more of the norm over the last few years. I'm just tired y'all. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my son, unconditionally and with my whole being, more than any other human in this world. I've watched my parents, and others, deal with the loss of a child/children and I cannot FATHOM being in that position. But, I also find myself googling the age limit for leaving a child at the fire station. So, if you hear of me taking a random trip to *Nebraska, you know that I have reached my wit's end. But seriously, this parenting journey has challenged me beyond any other life experience I've encountered. There are a few key components that I've decided to focus on, so that I won't go forward with sending the powers that be my mother resignation letter. Check them out.

• I will stop comparing. "Comparison is the thief of joy." There is no truer statement, especially when it comes to being a parent. I've fallen into the rabbit hole of comparison, and this generally happens when I'm going through a particularly trying time. I look at women like me; same age, single/divorced, who have teenagers. I reflect on what I THINK I know of their experience, on what looks to be a success story for women like us and I wonder why my story doesn’t seem to be panning out as one of such overcoming and domestic bliss. But, I realize that I don’t know all of the ins and outs of their household AND that I don’t completely know their situation, because even though we may share some of the same family structure details, our experiences aren’t completely the same. Which brings me to my second point.
• I will stop putting so much weight on other people’s opinions (Cue Mark Manson...Google him if you don’t know! Lol) A person might be a parent, grandparent, teacher, big ma, or stepmother twice removed, it doesn’t mean that they know it all. My parenting is unique to my situation AND my child is a unique individual. I’m not beyond accepting advice, however, some things just can’t be understood by an outside party, especially if they haven’t dealt with some of the specifics I’ve had to deal with as my child’s mother. I won’t beat myself up for not living up to the advice given or standards that someone else has set for me as a mom.
• I will continue to do my best. I will work hard to make decisions that are best for my son. I won’t dwell on past mistakes, his or mine. I will instead view them as learning opportunities. I’ll continue to talk to him. I’ll work even harder to listen to his words, while trying to understand his heart. I’ll continue to teach him, encourage him, nurture him, discipline, and even spoil him sometimes. I won’t stop striving to raise him to work to his full potential, to be an upstanding human being, to value learning, to respect and take heed to authority, to read as much as he can, to believe in himself, think for himself, love himself, to realize and follow his dreams. Most of all, I won’t give up on him (or me!) and I’ll keep on loving him unconditionally!

As I work on these things, it doesn’t mean that I won’t have the moments when I long to lay down my mother hat and ride off into the sunset, but I’ll keep on pushing and stay encouraged in knowing that one day my son will appreciate his mother and become a man greater than I could have ever imagined.


*In 2008, under the Safe Haven Law, Nebraska allowed parents to submit their children to custody up to the age of 18. The law was quickly revised because there was an influx of parents dropping off their older children.

So I was thinking about how I’ve had a severe case of writer’s block lately. I just haven’t been able to come up with subject matters that I deem worth writing about. And, when I HAVE thought of something, it has been a daunting task trying to put the right words together to form a complete and coherent thought. Then, there have been other times where, in addition to the aforementioned factors, I’ve also thought that I shouldn’t write about trivial things, due to the seriousness of events that have taken place in the world as of late regarding politics, wildfires, shootings, and other turmoil.
Going forward, I’m going to push my way through. I can’t let the circumstances of life stifle me. I need to use my voice and be a light in these dark times. I want to spread love, laughter, and hope. That’s what we need!

So I was thinking about my church’s women’s ministry event I attended Saturday. It was a great time of food, fellowship, learning, and reflection. My good friend, Amber, who is the First Lady and leader of the women’s ministry, spoke to us about forgiveness. It was such a good teaching and one I didn’t realize I needed to hear. I’m going to share a few of the points and hopefully some of these gems will help you like they did me!
We learned what forgiveness is and is not. Amber pointed out that many times we mistake reconciliation and trust for forgiveness and that isn’t what it is. She gave us this definition: forgiveness is letting go of the anger, bitterness, resentment, and the desire for vengeance or retaliation toward the person who offended you.
Next, we learned five reasons why we need to forgive.

1. ​We need forgiveness and grace. (Matthew 5:23&24, Matthew 6: 14&15)
   
2. We are called to love. (1 Corinthians 13, John 13:35, Luke 6:32-36)
3. It’s healthy, spiritually and physically.
   
4. Vengeance belongs to God. (Romans 12:17-21)
   
5. It sets us free.
   

Lastly, we learned how to forgive. We have to make a conscious decision to do so. Just like most things in life, forgiveness is a choice. Then, we need to approach it with humility, thinking about all of the things we’ve been forgiven for. Finally, we must rely on the power of the Holy Spirit.
If you are in the Chicagoland area, check out New Creation Church. Services are held on Sundays at 9am at The Revival in Hyde Park. Click here to find out more.

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