So I was thinking about my next blog post and I wanted to pose a question to my readers. Have you ever sought the support of your family and friends, then felt a certain type of way when you didn't get it? Or felt that the support you did receive didn't match the support that you have given? I bet we've all experienced some not so fuzzy feelings in this regard at one point or another. I've spent a generous amount of time thinking about this since I launched the website and started this new blog. This isn't my first stab at blogging or pursuing a creative or entrepreneurial endeavor. The questions I presented to you are things that I've grappled with each time. I've found myself feeling angry, confused, sad, and frustrated. I've observed the things and the people that get the support I long for, many times without prompting, and wonder why I can't get the same. It often seems that if there is no celebrity involved, no slapstick buffoonery, or no story of death and despair, it just ain't good enough for a share. I think about posts I've read and shared or the merchandise I've bought or the people and businesses I've bragged about and worked or volunteered for or the referrals I've given and it all doesn't add up to me! Of course I don't do anything that I do for my loved ones in exchange for anything in return. However, when you're in relationship, you expect that certain things will be reciprocated.

You may be asking, "Where are you going with this, Cheryce? Are we here only to witness you spew your bitterness??" Stick with me people, I'm bringing it on home. Whenever the aforementioned concerns come up, I remind myself that people aren't always going to do things the way I do or the way I expect. Their picture of support isn't going to look like the one I've painted because they have different thought processes or methods. There are also going to be times when there will be no support from my squad, for whatever reasons. I've realized that dwelling on what I'm not getting is also not getting me anywhere. I'm just causing myself more frustration. If I want my work to be viewed as more than a hobby, I have to treat it as such. I need to make sure that I do all I can to fulfill MY dreams and get to the place where I want to be in my life and career.
Two nuggets that come to mind to help me on this journey come from my friend and one of my biggest inspirations, Kevin Fredericks p/k/a KevOnStage. These points have stuck with me and really made an impact. Maybe they will help you too. 

• You deserve nothing. Kev made an excellent video about this. He said that you don't deserve anything that you haven't worked hard for. Nobody owes you anything, no matter who they are or the relationship you may have; no hook-ups, hand-outs, money...nothing! He continued to share how he paid his dues in entertainment and began to create his own opportunities. Kevin expressed the idea that "you deserve every opportunity that you work to create, and nothing more!" Testament of one of the opportunities that he worked hard to create for himself is the successful Love Hour and Real Comedians of Social Media tour that ended earlier this month. He, along with his wife Melissa (Love Hour), and comedians Tony Baker and Tahir Moore, performed in 53 cities, including London, and 43 of the cities boasted sold out shows! 
• Stop waiting for support. Kevin shared this on the podcast, Just Winging It w/Dana and Shari. There isn't too much explanation needed here. He says that if you do get support, it may not come from where you expect. 

Bottom line is that I shouldn't EXPECT anything from anyone. I deserve whatever MY hard work brings. I just need to accept responsibility, push through, and do the work! I am appreciative of any support I receive. Now y'all go comment and share! ;-)

So I was thinking about all the loss I've experienced personally and the loss experienced by those close to me. Although inevitable, death is by far one of the most difficult things that we go through as humans. Regardless of the person's age, condition, or circumstance surrounding the death, it's a loss that tends to elicit much pain, expels various emotions, and is an occurrence that nobody is ever really FULLY prepared for. 
With death being such a common and expected phase of life, you'd think that folk would be more aware and sensitive in their approach when dealing with someone who has experienced a loss. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend who suffered an unexpected loss of someone extremely close to her, about 2 months ago. She was telling me about some of the conversations she's had and some of the questions that have been asked, which sparked the idea to write this blog. 
I am no stranger to death, however, losing my brother in 2007 opened my eyes to a different level and understanding of grief. The most awkward and uncomfortable conversations happened during that time. It was annoying, but helped me to realize where I had previously erred in my interaction with people who were grieving and caused me to be more thoughtful and empathetic. I'm going to share some dos and don'ts that will hopefully help you too.

1. Don't put a time limit on a person's mourning. The summer of the year my brother passed away, I went to this special church service. I went up for prayer and was asked my prayer request. I asked the minister to pray for my mother because she had not been well since losing my brother unexpectedly in a car accident in February. The minister paused before he spoke. I could tell that he was counting the time from February until that time. Then, he says something to the effect of, "She's STILL sad? It's been SIX months!" Are you kidding me sir?! Needless to say, I didn't receive nor listen to anything he said during his prayer. I didn't realize there was a certain time that you had to stop mourning the person that you brought in this world and was snatched away from you suddenly! I just wanted my mother to be able to eat and function and live again. 
2. Avoid inappropriate or insensitive questions. Back when this happened, MySpace was still popping. I made a post about it and of course started to get messages. This one guy asked me, without offering his condolences or showing any concern, "How he die?" It isn't unusual to be curious about the cause of someone's death, especially when they are young and healthy. But, it isn't always WHAT you say, but how and WHEN you say it that matters! 
3. Don't judge how a person grieves. I was told that how I was dealing with my brother's death didn't seem normal or healthy. Since I was seen laughing, hanging with friends, and going about my usual routine, it didn't seem as though I was even really grieving. How DARE they?! I could not completely fall apart. I had people relying on my strength. But what people didn't see was when I was alone or just in the house with my parents and youngest brother. They didn't know the thoughts and questions that ran through my head daily. They didn't see what I saw EVERY time I closed my eyes. They didn't know that every Friday, I relived the moment that I got the news. They didn't hear my cries out and questions to God. Everybody deals with grief differently. Just because a person's expression or display is different from what you expect or how you would handle it doesn't mean that they aren't grieving. If you are truly concerned about someone's behavior, if it seems unhealthy or detrimental, they should be approached with compassion and in a non-judgmental way. 
4. Try to stay away from cliches.  They are in a better place, God doesn't make any mistakes, time heals all wounds, I understand what you're going through, etc. etc. Even though these things are usually said with good intentions, nobody wants to hear any of this when they've lost a loved one. Many times people say these things because they think it's the right thing to say or that they are being comforting. Guess what. Not only does that not make a person feel better, some of those things simply aren't true. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Some wounds are never healed. Time just makes it easier to cope. And you don't understand if you've never experienced such a loss. You can imagine or even empathize, but you don't understand. What you should understand is that it's really okay to not say anything. Most times a hug, pat on the back, or smile is sufficient. If you feel that something must be said, let the person know that you love them or that you're thinking about or praying for them and keep it moving.
5. Don't get weird if a person wants to talk about their deceased loved one. Sometimes I just want to talk about my brother. It doesn't mean I'm sad, it just means I miss him and need to get these thoughts and memories out. There are still times that I mention my brother and people get visibly uncomfortable. It actually makes me chuckle. Talking about him and the good times is healing for me and helps me to cope.

Dealing with death and grief isn't easy and I think that we've all been guilty of at least one of these faux pas. A couple things that can be done to avoid such blunders is to think before you speak and put yourself in that person's shoes. Have you all had any experiences like the ones mentioned? Share with me in the comments. I'd love to hear from you!

So I was thinking that I wouldn't have a post today because I just didn't feel like it. At first I had a topic all picked out. I knew what I was going to say and my punchlines were all set. Unfortunately, I received a call with some bad news that just kind of threw everything off. But, because this blog is new and I want to stay consistent with my Monday and Friday posts, here I am. I decided against the original topic, it wouldn't be appropriate right now. But I thought it would be fun to give you a few random facts about me because you care. LOL

1. People say I look like Alfre Woodard. I can't believe that I'm even typing this. But yeah, believe it or not, I get that ALL the time. As a matter of fact, since I get this so often, you probably do believe it. Ms. Woodard is beautiful in her own right, but my doppelganger she is not! #LetsArgue​ (Scroll down for a side by side comparison)
2. I HATE talking on the phone. I've worked in a call center environment for about 16 years. I'm even on the phone at times when doing freelance admin work. After hours upon hours of being on the phone for my 9 to 5 and beyond, I'd really prefer not to talk. But, that isn't the only reason I hate talking on the phone. Unless there is an agenda, I experience major anxiety when I have to talk on the phone. This is especially the case when I am going to be talking to someone new. For some reason, I tend to overthink things. I dread the possibility of awkward silences and waning conversation. I prefer face to face interactions. Come see about me! Lol
3. I love old school theme songs. Great theme songs are such a thing of the past. Sometimes my favorite part of a program was the theme song.  I need to do some theme song karaoke, because yes, I know them all! I remember there was a John Legend after-party for one of his concerts. I got to the door, only to realize that I left my license at home. I begged the bouncer to use some other method to determine that I was of appropriate age to be there. Somehow we settled on me singing the theme song to Saved by the Bell. By the time I was half-way through the second verse, he let me in because he figured that I was around his age since I knew that! 
4. These are a few of my favorite things. I have periods where I basically become obsessed with something and it becomes my favorite until my mind/mood/taste changes and I get new favorites. Maybe it's a Gemini thing? Anyway, here's a list inside this list. Check out what's hot to me now: A) Wild n Out. It's a show of jokes and musical imrov. I watched it when it first came out and hadn't watched it for years, but for some reason I am in LOVE now. WNO is so clever and fun! I think it's cool how how Nick Cannon has taken people with some social media and YouTube fame and given them a chance at a larger platform. Folk like to call Nick corny, but he's a successful business man who has been in the game and thriving for years. If that's corny, I'll take it! B) Kettle corn. The perfect mix of salty and sweet! I get the microwaveable bags, but my FAVORITE kettle corn is Boom Chicka Pop. Not only is it delicious, but it is low calories, non-GMO, and gluten free! C) Amanda Seales. She is the actress who plays the married friend, Tiffany, on Insecure. I started following her on Instagram after seeing her on the show and became a huge fan! She's completely different from the character that she plays. Amanda is just so smart, funny, and black, which happens to be the name of her traveling game show where contestants compete to test their knowledge of black history, culture, and the overall black experience. 

Hopefully these little facts were interesting to you. Share a fun fact about yourself in the comments. I'd like to get to know you! Also, click here to send questions about anything that you may want to know about me. This may be something that I revisit.
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So I was thinking about how I used to vacillate between wanting to have more children and being cool with one and done. I would have my moments of baby fever. I'd see a baby that was so adorable that I just HAD to have one. Or I would say that I didn't want my son to be the only child. Then I would think that if the man I ended up with didn't have any children, we'd go ahead and have a child/children together. And at other times, I just didn't know if another child is what I wanted at all for any reason. Well friends, just cuz I see a cute baby, doesn't mean I need one. It isn't a pair of shoes and I probably don't need those either. My boy has been an only child for this long, so I think he's okay, plus he has step-brothers. And at this point, most men I meet have at least one child and if he doesn't or wants more, then Cheryce ain't the one! Yes. I've finally come to the concrete conclusion that one is the magic number. Don't get me wrong, if my mate has a child/children, I will love that whippersnapper as my own. But flesh of my flesh shalt be no more.

My offspring turned 16 this year, so I thought I'd share 16 reasons why I don't want to have anymore little ones. In no particular order. Check them out.

1. There is still no manual. There are various books, articles, magazines, pamphlets, and studies, but there is no COMPLETE comprehensive parenting manual out here. Please tell me that I'm not the only parent making stuff  up as I go along and still trying to figure things out. Just when I think I've gotten this parenting thing down pat, another curve ball is thrown my way. 
2. It gets harder, not easier. Since there isn't a manual, this junk is difficult. Time and age don't matter when it comes to rearing children. I was under the impression for a long time that as my child got older, parenting would be more simple. SIKE! It's actually the exact opposite.
3. Children are EXPENSIVE! You think that diapers, daycare, and formula are expensive? What about about when you have a child that is in adult size shoes and clothes?! Do you know how costly buying mens' clothes and size 12 shoes is?? ESPECIALLY when the child is still growing! Then there are activities, school fees, cell phones, food. FOOD! Sometimes my son eats as if he's never had a meal. I go grocery shopping and he wants to eat everything up in ONE day. It's as if his stomach is a bottomless pit.
4. Teen years. Why would I want to voluntarily put myself through raising a teen again? I don't get off on torture. Raging hormones, bad attitudes, horrible decisions...it's all tew murch!
5. It's hard to lose baby weight. My child is 16 and I JUST lost that baby weight. Heck, I still have 10 pounds to go. But seriously. I don't have the metabolism or the funds for a quick snap back.
6. This world is terrible. The state of this world is horrifying to say the least. Why would I want to bring another life into a world that is filled with so much hate and destruction, disease and pain? Where the leader of the free world is a blatant racist and black people are killed for sport. A place where religious leaders are preying on our children and people are still buying tickets to R. Kelly concerts. The list could go on and on. I already worry about my son (and all our children) navigating through this place. Unless I can move to the moon, I'm not going to be able to add to the population here. 
7. I don't like changing diapers. Especially those BM joints. And potty training is THEE worst! 
8. Another child means more laundry and another person to clean up after. I don't even think too much explanation is needed here. 
9. I can't help with homework. After about 3rd grade, it's a wrap. I have no patience for homework. I do NOT have the gift of teaching. I don't know how to get a kid to understand what I'm trying to show them and I get extremely frustrated when they don't get it. Everyone's in tears. It isn't healthy.
10. Responsibility. As a parent, we are responsible for shaping and molding a WHOLE PERSON! This human being's life is in our hands. The person they become is based on the decisions we've made and the things that we've taught or failed to teach them. Becoming a parent is not a choice to be taken lightly. EVERYTHING that we do (or don't do) effects our child in some way. I'm good with maintaining my one precious gem.
11. I don't want another baby daddy. It has nothing to do with the number. What if the relationship that I have with this person doesn't last? Not only am I a single parent again, but I have this man that I still have to deal with for at least 18 years. We couldn't make it as a couple, but we have to figure out how to successfully co-parent. I do NOT want to go through that again. That has been one of the top 3 hardest obstacles of my life. 
12. I don't want to talk about the birds and the bees. "The talk" is one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had in my life. It's such a nerve-racking experience. You want to make sure that you're saying the right things and sharing accurate information, all the while ensuring that the child is comfortable and trying not to freak out when they say certain things or ask certain questions. And the thing is, that conversation is not one that happens only once. This has to be ongoing!
13. I'm about to be 40.  I know that women have successful pregnancies at the age of 40 and beyond, but I would rather not take that chance. I was 22 when I had my baby. I had an excellent pregnancy. But, I was a young tender-roni, things aren't QUITE the same right now. Plus, I don't want to be mistaken for my child's grandmother, lol! 
14. I like quiet. At times, my teen talks a lot, but once he gets that out of his system, he's a typical teen who doesn't want to be bothered and doesn't have much to say. Fiiiiiiiiiiine with me. I don't want to go back to loud toys or a million questions. 
15. What if I had a girl?? I don't know how to comb hair and I don't want to deal with an attitude that's competing with mine. 
16. Kids and parents are different. Maaaaaaaaaan the children of today are just different. The issues they deal with today seem to be different than what I dealt with. They are exposed to and have access to more things. They act different, they talk different, they move different. The way we parent isn't the same. We seem to be more tolerable as parents. I GUESS that's what the children of today need. I think we need to bring some ol' school back though.

Now, if my future husband is reading this, I don't want you to think that this means that I don't want you if you have children or that I won't accept your child. That is not the case in the least bit. I will love the child/children as my own. I just know that I will be coming on as an addition to the child's already established village and I'm cool with that. Does anyone else share my sentiments? Talk to me in the comments below.

So I was thinking about the musical icon that the world lost yesterday. Aretha Franklin was...IS the Queen of Soul and unarguably one of the greatest voices of our time. She was loved and revered by many who were touched by her voice and her pen. And, as much as Ms. Franklin is recognized for her contribution to music, she is known just as much for the sassy flare she had when it came to speaking her mind. 
With that being said, upon reports of her death, emotions were understandably on TEN. Whether it was our parents/grandparents who "grew up" with her and introduced us to The Queen, as her catalog (along with the other greats) became the soundtrack for the Saturday morning clean up or those of us who recall her singing one of the best theme songs ever on A Different World, or even the millennials who got to know her after she performed for the 2009 inauguration, we were all grieving a great loss. Feelings ran so deep that arguments were happening all over about things as minute as who played/should play Ms. Franklin in a biopic. A person was shot in Suffolk, VA over such an argument (prayers to the victim)! 
Thankfully not as tragic as the aforementioned story, but I had my own Aretha beef yesterday too. Check it out:

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So I was thinking about some of my experiences with Lyft as of late. When it comes to the music that is played during my ride, two scenarios have been reoccurring. The first one reeeeeeaaaaaally grinds my gears. I've noticed, on several occasions, that if my driver is of the less melanated persuasion and he or she is playing a certain type of music, they will change it when I get in the car. They don't wait for me to express any preference. They don't ask if there is any genre I'd like for my listening pleasure. They don't observe whether or not I vibe with what's already on. They just see my mocha chocolateyness, take notice of my location, and assume. We all know what happens when one assumes, right? But hey, maybe I'M the one assuming. It could be a simple coinky dink that the majority of the times that I've had a melanin deprived driver, they change the radio station when I get in the car. It could mean nothing that most times my clear brothers or sisters will quickly change the tunes from Demi Lovato to H.E.R., from Sir Elton John to Lil Uzi Vert, from Maroon 5 to Migos. Whatever the case, it's all good because I Permit Patty them every single time. "Ah yes, Mr. Lyft? Becky saw that I was black and changed her music to that hippity hoppity crap when I got in the car. I'd like to report her for being racially insensitive. I too enjoy the sounds of the Billboard Top 100 "

The second thing that has been happening is that a lot of my drivers have been like, "EFF the radio edit", when it comes to the music being played. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm no musical prude. True enough, some songs just aren't the same without the strategic placing of Too Short's favorite word. And when Tank sings "when we...LOVE", it doesn't have the same effect as that album version...but come on people! I'm aware that being an Uber or Lyft driver is an unconventional job, but is it not still necessary to maintain a certain level of professionalism? Once a driver turns on that Uber app or enables that Lyft light, does that car not transform into their place of business? I've been hit with everything from a real muthaf***a named Ice Cube to rake it up rake it up, f**k it up f**k it up. A teller wouldn't have that playing at their window in Chase. That type of music isn't blasting from the speakers in Whole Foods. Why should passengers have to be subject to that, without any consideration, when they are PAYING for this service? So, what are YOU thinking? Am I trippin? Do you have any Uber/Lyft pet peeves? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!


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