So I was thinking about my next blog post and I wanted to pose a question to my readers. Have you ever sought the support of your family and friends, then felt a certain type of way when you didn't get it? Or felt that the support you did receive didn't match the support that you have given? I bet we've all experienced some not so fuzzy feelings in this regard at one point or another. I've spent a generous amount of time thinking about this since I launched the website and started this new blog. This isn't my first stab at blogging or pursuing a creative or entrepreneurial endeavor. The questions I presented to you are things that I've grappled with each time. I've found myself feeling angry, confused, sad, and frustrated. I've observed the things and the people that get the support I long for, many times without prompting, and wonder why I can't get the same. It often seems that if there is no celebrity involved, no slapstick buffoonery, or no story of death and despair, it just ain't good enough for a share. I think about posts I've read and shared or the merchandise I've bought or the people and businesses I've bragged about and worked or volunteered for or the referrals I've given and it all doesn't add up to me! Of course I don't do anything that I do for my loved ones in exchange for anything in return. However, when you're in relationship, you expect that certain things will be reciprocated.
You may be asking, "Where are you going with this, Cheryce? Are we here only to witness you spew your bitterness??" Stick with me people, I'm bringing it on home. Whenever the aforementioned concerns come up, I remind myself that people aren't always going to do things the way I do or the way I expect. Their picture of support isn't going to look like the one I've painted because they have different thought processes or methods. There are also going to be times when there will be no support from my squad, for whatever reasons. I've realized that dwelling on what I'm not getting is also not getting me anywhere. I'm just causing myself more frustration. If I want my work to be viewed as more than a hobby, I have to treat it as such. I need to make sure that I do all I can to fulfill MY dreams and get to the place where I want to be in my life and career.
Two nuggets that come to mind to help me on this journey come from my friend and one of my biggest inspirations, Kevin Fredericks p/k/a KevOnStage. These points have stuck with me and really made an impact. Maybe they will help you too.
So I was thinking about all the loss I've experienced personally and the loss experienced by those close to me. Although inevitable, death is by far one of the most difficult things that we go through as humans. Regardless of the person's age, condition, or circumstance surrounding the death, it's a loss that tends to elicit much pain, expels various emotions, and is an occurrence that nobody is ever really FULLY prepared for.
With death being such a common and expected phase of life, you'd think that folk would be more aware and sensitive in their approach when dealing with someone who has experienced a loss. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend who suffered an unexpected loss of someone extremely close to her, about 2 months ago. She was telling me about some of the conversations she's had and some of the questions that have been asked, which sparked the idea to write this blog.
I am no stranger to death, however, losing my brother in 2007 opened my eyes to a different level and understanding of grief. The most awkward and uncomfortable conversations happened during that time. It was annoying, but helped me to realize where I had previously erred in my interaction with people who were grieving and caused me to be more thoughtful and empathetic. I'm going to share some dos and don'ts that will hopefully help you too.
So I was thinking that I wouldn't have a post today because I just didn't feel like it. At first I had a topic all picked out. I knew what I was going to say and my punchlines were all set. Unfortunately, I received a call with some bad news that just kind of threw everything off. But, because this blog is new and I want to stay consistent with my Monday and Friday posts, here I am. I decided against the original topic, it wouldn't be appropriate right now. But I thought it would be fun to give you a few random facts about me because you care. LOL
So I was thinking about how I used to vacillate between wanting to have more children and being cool with one and done. I would have my moments of baby fever. I'd see a baby that was so adorable that I just HAD to have one. Or I would say that I didn't want my son to be the only child. Then I would think that if the man I ended up with didn't have any children, we'd go ahead and have a child/children together. And at other times, I just didn't know if another child is what I wanted at all for any reason. Well friends, just cuz I see a cute baby, doesn't mean I need one. It isn't a pair of shoes and I probably don't need those either. My boy has been an only child for this long, so I think he's okay, plus he has step-brothers. And at this point, most men I meet have at least one child and if he doesn't or wants more, then Cheryce ain't the one! Yes. I've finally come to the concrete conclusion that one is the magic number. Don't get me wrong, if my mate has a child/children, I will love that whippersnapper as my own. But flesh of my flesh shalt be no more.
My offspring turned 16 this year, so I thought I'd share 16 reasons why I don't want to have anymore little ones. In no particular order. Check them out.
So I was thinking about the musical icon that the world lost yesterday. Aretha Franklin was...IS the Queen of Soul and unarguably one of the greatest voices of our time. She was loved and revered by many who were touched by her voice and her pen. And, as much as Ms. Franklin is recognized for her contribution to music, she is known just as much for the sassy flare she had when it came to speaking her mind.
With that being said, upon reports of her death, emotions were understandably on TEN. Whether it was our parents/grandparents who "grew up" with her and introduced us to The Queen, as her catalog (along with the other greats) became the soundtrack for the Saturday morning clean up or those of us who recall her singing one of the best theme songs ever on A Different World, or even the millennials who got to know her after she performed for the 2009 inauguration, we were all grieving a great loss. Feelings ran so deep that arguments were happening all over about things as minute as who played/should play Ms. Franklin in a biopic. A person was shot in Suffolk, VA over such an argument (prayers to the victim)!
Thankfully not as tragic as the aforementioned story, but I had my own Aretha beef yesterday too. Check it out:
That's something, right?! I was really thrown off because he had never addressed me in such a manner. I'm friends with his brother and was acquainted with him that way. We weren't "friends" but always cool, so I thought. So, in case you're reading this right now, kind sir, I say a little prayer for you as I type. I hope that you were able to rock steady on the freeway of love last night and as a result was able to wake up on the RIGHT side of the bed this morning, thank God for his amazing grace, and go about your day with a coffee/smoothie/Coke and a smile! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh-man.
Okay. Since that's out of the way, I can share with you the 3 lessons I gathered from this experience:
So I was thinking about some of my experiences with Lyft as of late. When it comes to the music that is played during my ride, two scenarios have been reoccurring. The first one reeeeeeaaaaaally grinds my gears. I've noticed, on several occasions, that if my driver is of the less melanated persuasion and he or she is playing a certain type of music, they will change it when I get in the car. They don't wait for me to express any preference. They don't ask if there is any genre I'd like for my listening pleasure. They don't observe whether or not I vibe with what's already on. They just see my mocha chocolateyness, take notice of my location, and assume. We all know what happens when one assumes, right? But hey, maybe I'M the one assuming. It could be a simple coinky dink that the majority of the times that I've had a melanin deprived driver, they change the radio station when I get in the car. It could mean nothing that most times my clear brothers or sisters will quickly change the tunes from Demi Lovato to H.E.R., from Sir Elton John to Lil Uzi Vert, from Maroon 5 to Migos. Whatever the case, it's all good because I Permit Patty them every single time. "Ah yes, Mr. Lyft? Becky saw that I was black and changed her music to that hippity hoppity crap when I got in the car. I'd like to report her for being racially insensitive. I too enjoy the sounds of the Billboard Top 100 "
The second thing that has been happening is that a lot of my drivers have been like, "EFF the radio edit", when it comes to the music being played. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm no musical prude. True enough, some songs just aren't the same without the strategic placing of Too Short's favorite word. And when Tank sings "when we...LOVE", it doesn't have the same effect as that album version...but come on people! I'm aware that being an Uber or Lyft driver is an unconventional job, but is it not still necessary to maintain a certain level of professionalism? Once a driver turns on that Uber app or enables that Lyft light, does that car not transform into their place of business? I've been hit with everything from a real muthaf***a named Ice Cube to rake it up rake it up, f**k it up f**k it up. A teller wouldn't have that playing at their window in Chase. That type of music isn't blasting from the speakers in Whole Foods. Why should passengers have to be subject to that, without any consideration, when they are PAYING for this service? So, what are YOU thinking? Am I trippin? Do you have any Uber/Lyft pet peeves? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!