CHERYCE F. THOMPSON
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At times I have stuff on my mind that I want to share. It doesn't always warrant a phone call or text to friends, but often it IS something I need to get off my chest beyond a journal entry. So, here we are. Welcome to my random thoughts. Enjoy!
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8/20/2018 8 Comments

16 Reasons Why

So I was thinking about how I used to vacillate between wanting to have more children and being cool with one and done. I would have my moments of baby fever. I'd see a baby that was so adorable that I just HAD to have one. Or I would say that I didn't want my son to be the only child. Then I would think that if the man I ended up with didn't have any children, we'd go ahead and have a child/children together. And at other times, I just didn't know if another child is what I wanted at all for any reason. Well friends, just cuz I see a cute baby, doesn't mean I need one. It isn't a pair of shoes and I probably don't need those either. My boy has been an only child for this long, so I think he's okay, plus he has step-brothers. And at this point, most men I meet have at least one child and if he doesn't or wants more, then Cheryce ain't the one! Yes. I've finally come to the concrete conclusion that one is the magic number. Don't get me wrong, if my mate has a child/children, I will love that whippersnapper as my own. But flesh of my flesh shalt be no more.

My offspring turned 16 this year, so I thought I'd share 16 reasons why I don't want to have anymore little ones. In no particular order. Check them out.
  1. There is still no manual. There are various books, articles, magazines, pamphlets, and studies, but there is no COMPLETE comprehensive parenting manual out here. Please tell me that I'm not the only parent making stuff  up as I go along and still trying to figure things out. Just when I think I've gotten this parenting thing down pat, another curve ball is thrown my way. 
  2. It gets harder, not easier. Since there isn't a manual, this junk is difficult. Time and age don't matter when it comes to rearing children. I was under the impression for a long time that as my child got older, parenting would be more simple. SIKE! It's actually the exact opposite.
  3. Children are EXPENSIVE! You think that diapers, daycare, and formula are expensive? What about about when you have a child that is in adult size shoes and clothes?! Do you know how costly buying mens' clothes and size 12 shoes is?? ESPECIALLY when the child is still growing! Then there are activities, school fees, cell phones, food. FOOD! Sometimes my son eats as if he's never had a meal. I go grocery shopping and he wants to eat everything up in ONE day. It's as if his stomach is a bottomless pit.
  4. Teen years. Why would I want to voluntarily put myself through raising a teen again? I don't get off on torture. Raging hormones, bad attitudes, horrible decisions...it's all tew murch!
  5. It's hard to lose baby weight. My child is 16 and I JUST lost that baby weight. Heck, I still have 10 pounds to go. But seriously. I don't have the metabolism or the funds for a quick snap back.
  6. This world is terrible. The state of this world is horrifying to say the least. Why would I want to bring another life into a world that is filled with so much hate and destruction, disease and pain? Where the leader of the free world is a blatant racist and black people are killed for sport. A place where religious leaders are preying on our children and people are still buying tickets to R. Kelly concerts. The list could go on and on. I already worry about my son (and all our children) navigating through this place. Unless I can move to the moon, I'm not going to be able to add to the population here. 
  7. I don't like changing diapers. Especially those BM joints. And potty training is THEE worst! 
  8. Another child means more laundry and another person to clean up after. I don't even think too much explanation is needed here. 
  9. I can't help with homework. After about 3rd grade, it's a wrap. I have no patience for homework. I do NOT have the gift of teaching. I don't know how to get a kid to understand what I'm trying to show them and I get extremely frustrated when they don't get it. Everyone's in tears. It isn't healthy.
  10. Responsibility. As a parent, we are responsible for shaping and molding a WHOLE PERSON! This human being's life is in our hands. The person they become is based on the decisions we've made and the things that we've taught or failed to teach them. Becoming a parent is not a choice to be taken lightly. EVERYTHING that we do (or don't do) effects our child in some way. I'm good with maintaining my one precious gem.
  11. I don't want another baby daddy. It has nothing to do with the number. What if the relationship that I have with this person doesn't last? Not only am I a single parent again, but I have this man that I still have to deal with for at least 18 years. We couldn't make it as a couple, but we have to figure out how to successfully co-parent. I do NOT want to go through that again. That has been one of the top 3 hardest obstacles of my life. 
  12. I don't want to talk about the birds and the bees. "The talk" is one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had in my life. It's such a nerve-racking experience. You want to make sure that you're saying the right things and sharing accurate information, all the while ensuring that the child is comfortable and trying not to freak out when they say certain things or ask certain questions. And the thing is, that conversation is not one that happens only once. This has to be ongoing!
  13. I'm about to be 40.  I know that women have successful pregnancies at the age of 40 and beyond, but I would rather not take that chance. I was 22 when I had my baby. I had an excellent pregnancy. But, I was a young tender-roni, things aren't QUITE the same right now. Plus, I don't want to be mistaken for my child's grandmother, lol! 
  14. I like quiet. At times, my teen talks a lot, but once he gets that out of his system, he's a typical teen who doesn't want to be bothered and doesn't have much to say. Fiiiiiiiiiiine with me. I don't want to go back to loud toys or a million questions. 
  15. What if I had a girl?? I don't know how to comb hair and I don't want to deal with an attitude that's competing with mine. 
  16. Kids and parents are different. Maaaaaaaaaan the children of today are just different. The issues they deal with today seem to be different than what I dealt with. They are exposed to and have access to more things. They act different, they talk different, they move different. The way we parent isn't the same. We seem to be more tolerable as parents. I GUESS that's what the children of today need. I think we need to bring some ol' school back though.
Now, if my future husband is reading this, I don't want you to think that this means that I don't want you if you have children or that I won't accept your child. That is not the case in the least bit. I will love the child/children as my own. I just know that I will be coming on as an addition to the child's already established village and I'm cool with that. Does anyone else share my sentiments? Talk to me in the comments below.
8 Comments
Gwen Talley
8/21/2018 12:12:52 am

Again, as usual, I an amused and entertained by your transparency and commitment to telling your own truth! As I read and chuckled at your candor and the similarities of our thoughts, I decided to comment, item by item. From one single mom to another--
1. Yes, I too made it up as I went through parenting, and I'm still waiting to see if some of it "took!"
2 and 4. If you think it's hard now with a teen, wait until 18+ comes! Proof positive that when you can no longer hold them on your lap, they rest on your heart even more heavily!
3. Sooo, which would you rather do--feed or clothe them!? Too bad we don't get a choice!
4. See above.
5. After much consideration, I find myself wondering which is harder--being a teen or parenting one. Both seem awfully difficult.
6. Agreed--the world is now worse than we've ever seen. Your description is spot-on!n I cringe at the thought of the world my grandchildren will live in as adults.
7-9. DIAPERS, MORE LAUNDRY & HOMEWORK--BOOO! HISSS! ALL TEW MURCH--I just love that spelling!
10. You hit that squarely, ma'am! The synonym for Parenting is SACRIFICE. Enough said!
11. BD drama is often the WORST! NO manual for that either! If we try it without knowing Jesus, someone may not come out alive!
12. As teen years progress, The TALK becomes an ongoing discussion. Ask my son's what it means to sit down at the kitchen table without food......
13. I don't understand the 40+ year old pregnancies either. It cannot be fun being 60+ when your child is 20 or even a teen.
14. Blessed Quietness--the dream of all mothers! I believe the promise of quiet one day is one of the only things that gets us through the early years of parenting--incessant conversations and questions + "MOMMY" a million times a day.
15. The FEAR of 75% of Moms of Boys. You are not alone! It was my biggest reason not to try again.
16. Parenting definitely ain't what it used to be! Much of the old school parenting has gone by the wayside, but the world seems to be going to hell in a handbasket because of it. If parents stop abdicating their positions of authority, we might see some change for the better. Kudos to you and other parents who still believe in discipline and NOT trying to be their kid's friends.
Thanks for sharing your insights. I hope you find a smile or two in this response!

Reply
Cheryce
8/21/2018 12:24:17 am

I soooooooo appreciate your comment and the fact that you went through each one individually! It feels good to know that I’m not alone in my thoughts on things and I love your insight! You certainly got some smiles out of me?

Reply
Dori
8/21/2018 06:42:06 am

Girl. I went in knowing I was one and done, but nobody believed me...but folks don’t believe fat meat is greasy either. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Now, if I’m being honest...I do consider being a foster parent. That’s because yes, this world is awful...it’s awful for a lot of these sweet babies already in it and I would like to make a difference. The biggest part of parenting is love and teaching that little human how to love their self . If we can get more people to love themselves then we will love another and maybe this life won’t be so hard. I know you’ve done that with your young man so you and your ONE have already made a difference. Glad you can rest in that.

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Cheryce
8/21/2018 06:57:20 am

???

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Mary Thompson
8/21/2018 11:18:44 am

All I can say is Wowwwwwww!!Good reading!!!

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Cheryce
8/21/2018 11:19:45 am

Thanks mama?

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Alicia Smith
8/21/2018 07:37:50 pm

Great read and I agree. No kids for me...🤷🏽‍♀️

Reply
Faith
8/23/2018 06:57:10 pm

This was goooood... and I totally understand!

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