11/18/2020 9 Comments There's Always a LessonSo I was thinking about blogging and entrepreneurship. Since my relaunch, I've had a few epiphanies that I'd like to share.
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11/14/2020 40 Comments Dear Brother,So I was thinking about you. This letter to you is going to be a long one. It might bore my subscribers, but I HAD to get this out. My thoughts have been filled with you often since you left us back in 2007. I'm consumed with even more thoughts of you at this time of year. November-March is ROUGH. Every Thanksgiving season I think about how Thanksgiving 2006, your last Thanksgiving on Earth, was the BEST Thanksgiving our immediate family has ever experienced. The memories from that day make me smile and I feel grateful that we were able to share such holiday joy with you one last time. Reminiscing of that day also makes me feel melancholy, because I don't want that to be your last Thanksgiving.
I constantly vacillate between feelings of happiness and sorrow for about 4.5 months. After Thanksgiving, we prepare for Christmas, another holiday that focuses on family and is a harsh reminder that yanks off another piece of the scab that covers the hole that you left in my heart. I think about how we got up on Christmas morning and exchanged gifts. You gave me the Four Brothers and Juice DVDs, lol. I want to say that's the first time you ever gave me a Christmas gift. Then, you left and did your own thing for the day. After Christmas, it's time to enter another new year without you and another little piece of that scab over that hole in my heart is ripped off. At the end of January, I remember that you gave me and momma Valentine's Day gifts and I KNOW that was your first time ever giving me a gift for V-Day...and it was also your last. I think about how I said to you, "Thank you, but why are you giving this to us so early?" I remember you saying that you wanted to make sure you had money. Then, I think about how I said to you, "But, we get paid again before Valentine's day" And you just shrugged. What did you know that we didn't, brother?? I mean you had to have been feeling some kind of way, because I think about how a few days before you gave us that gift, you dropped me off at the Smith's house. I remember you walking in behind me and me telling you that Isaiah wasn't there and asking you why you came in. I remember you standing at the foot of the stairs inside and just looking around. Did you feel it?? Did you know you wouldn't have these opportunities again??? How did you know? What did you feel? February comes and that last piece of that scab that covers that hole in my heart is snatched off and it begins to bleed and throb again with such unbearable pain. As long as I live, I will NEVER forget February 2, 2007. I think about how it was Friday and I got that call while I was at work. I'll never forget momma's words, "He gone. Cheryce Don is gone!" I cannot erase my memory of the sound of utter horror and despair in momma's voice as she told me what happened, as she told me that you died in a car accident on your way to get a haircut before work. I think about my reaction, the calls I had to make, the ride home, the cars that filled our driveway and our block when I got home. I think about the look of emptiness in momma's eyes, how it looked as if her soul had left with yours. I think about having to pick your casket and your burial plot and writing your obituary. I think about having to tell your nephew that you went to heaven. I think about your funeral and all the people there and all the things that were said and all the wonderful things I learned about you. I think about your last moments, I wonder what you saw and if you said anything and what you thought about. I think about whether or not you felt any pain. I wonder if you know how much you were loved by so many. I think about how I wish I could have told you how much I loved you one more time. I think that you knew that I did though. I think about how it has been almost 14 years and I'm actually still in disbelief. Speaking and thinking of you in the past tense still seems surreal. When I look at the pictures that I have of you in my room, I literally shake my head and say out loud that I can't believe you're gone. The times I have gone to your grave feel like a dream, a nightmare where I keep seeing your name on a headstone...a HEADSTONE! Even though it has been so many years, it is still hard for my heart to grasp the reality of you not being here. You're my LITTLE brother and I feel like you left right when we seemed to be catching up in age and were going to get closer. I think about how I changed your diapers and rocked you to sleep and watched Barney and Teenage Mutant Turtles (which I HATED) with you. I think about how I would make you think you were playing the video and how you got hip to my trickery and would restart the game RIGHT when I was about to kill Koopa and rescue the princess, lol!! After we get through the hell that is February, we make it to March. I think about how the family had been planning to go to Red Lobster for your 20th birthday, because you kept talking about how you had never been. I'm pretty sure you had been before and just forgot, but we had so much fun talking about it and planning to go. I think about how you never made it to your 20th birthday or Red Lobster. Every March 21st since 2007, we go to Red Lobster to celebrate you and mama makes us eat a shrimp in your honor. She says it was your fave. Was it? I don't remember that, lol. That day we talk and laugh about all the good things and I usually notice after that day that the bleeding and throbbing pain from that hole in my heart has stopped and I realize that scab has covered that hole again. I think about the healing that time brings about and how, in my experience, the healing isn't deep or permanent. The hole in my heart is big and the scab is ugly and it never lets me forget you or the pain of losing you, but I'm able to live and cope and find happiness in the midst of my pain and confusion and unanswered questions. Brother, there are so many things I wonder and so much I want to tell you and talk to you about. I think about what my world would be like if you were still here. I think about how so much within our family would be different. Your nephew is 18 now! He was only 4 when you left, but you all were extremely close. You were his person! I think about the different path he might have taken had you still been here with him. Do you know our baby brother has a fiance and 2 beautiful baby girls?? And our niece has a beautiful and smart 10 year old daughter! You would absolutely love them all and I know they'd adore you! And as you see, I'm a blogger. I've done a lot of different things since you've been gone. It would have been so cool to share them with you live and in person. And I know you would get an absolute kick out of me still not being remarried🙃 Daddy got really sick a couple years ago and we thought he was on his way to be with you! He had colon cancer! Can you believe it?? I bet you can guess that his faith never wavered though. He was comforting us from his death bed! They got all the cancer and he's fine now. God gave us more time. Momma is doing better than she had been, but she still misses you beyond words. And daddy misses you too. He cries about you and Junior often. Yes. Daddy CRIES!! He's become very emotional in his old age and especially since his brush with death. The world is a mess. I don't even have time to go into all that. You'd be happy to know that your bestie has never left our side. He has kept in touch with the family since you left. He is family. He is my brother and I'm thankful he didn't forget about us. As a matter of fact, our baby brother's fiance is your BFF's cousin! He's married now and has a new baby. Bro, we won't even talk about who he married though...🙄🤐He's very "woke", basically a 21st century Marcus Garvey, lol. I wonder if you would be married or have children and what your career would be and where you would live and if anything would ever come of you playing basketball. Is Kobe where you are? Were you surprised to see him?? I always think about how good of a dancer you were with your big tall self and how you would probably be killing all these lil funny looking dances that are out now. One last thing because my feelings are plentiful, but my words are running low. You know how momma thought you were THEE funniest person on the planet?? I can make her laugh a little bit now! Lololololol, but she is a TOUGH crowd. I love you brother and I really hope you knew that when you were still here. I see you in my dreams from time to time. It always seems SO real and I wake up sad because it isn't. Anyway, I miss you tremendously and I'm thankful for the time we had. I try not to overwhelm myself with all the shoulda coulda wouldas, although I still wish this was all a dream. 11/11/2020 8 Comments The Bright SideSo I was thinking about the Coronavirus. "Rona" has issued a devastatingly unexpected blow to the world. I have personally experienced loved ones who have been infected and/or lost their lives to the virus. On top of the physical effects, there has also been a drastic decline in our economy, we've had to become uncomfortably creative with how we work, educate/learn, socialize, shop, worship, and simply live! Over the last several months, anxiety, worry, and disappointment have been high, while peace, joy, and faith have been low. From what I see, the majority of us have had to put extra effort in being hopeful and seeing the bright side. We're squinting, using the highest wattage bulb we can find, slapping on our bifocals, and pulling out the old BluBlockers just to get a glimpse of some light. And I must admit, there are some good things that have come about as a result of COVID-19. Here are the top 5 things I'm grateful for.
11/4/2020 11 Comments While We WaitSo I was thinking about the election. Aren't we all? 2020 has been an extraordinary year. It has been filled with much loss, fear, disappointment, confusion, anxiety, and much of that has been in the last few weeks! The presidential race has been a LOT to process. The last 4 years have been a lot for that matter. This administration assisted in bringing to light America's true colors...
In addition to what we have been experiencing collectively as a nation, many of us have also encountered personal adversities that have caused us to more actively, intentionally, and creatively seek and hold on to peace. I'd like to share with you a few things that have kept me sane this year and continue to do so while we wait on the outcome of the election.
10/28/2020 5 Comments October 28th, 2020Sooooooooo...I was thinking about how I had an almost completed post and thought I saved it but I didn't. And it's too much to even try to do over at 5am. Yep, 5am. I set my clock for 5am on the day I'm supposed to have a new post, so I could finish up. I know I'm not going to work on a quality post to go out later, so alas, here we are. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a lesson on procrastination, time management, and consistency.
10/21/2020 4 Comments Vote and/or STFU!!So I was thinking about this year's presidential election. Ya know, I was about to make up a fake acronym for STFU because my mother reads all my blog posts, but I'm 41 years old and super grown, so it is what it is at this point...HEY, MA! Lol...anyway, I've been thinking about the election and I cannot WAIT for it to be over. Please don't take this the wrong way. I am well aware of the dire importance of this election. I even plan on getting out early to vote, but I REALLY need people to STFU. Let me see if I can get you to understand where I'm coming from.
Admittedly, I am NOT the most well versed in the area of politics. I know the bare bone minimum, the basics! I can engage in a political conversation for a good 10 minutes. Beyond that, I'm zoning out and thinking about what I'm going to have for lunch the next day, deciding whether or not I should get tickets for Usher's Las Vegas residency, or trying to remember why it's 180 degrees and not 360 degrees. I also know enough to discuss with my 18 year old why he should vote for the first time (which he did already...I'm so proud!!) and why his vote does in fact count. But, I KNOW my limitations. You won't hear me quoting stats about the Trump/Pence administration vs the Obama/Biden administration. You will not catch me debating on social media about tax policies or healthcare. And there most definitely will not be any persuasion blog post about why one party is better than the other or why they actually all suck. I wish more people were like me though and stayed in their lanes. Who knew I was acquainted with so many political pundits and poli-sci majors?? Hey, sharing knowledge is fine. Some tidbit of information you have may help in the decision making of someone who is undecided about who they should vote for or whether or not they should vote at all. Or it can assist people in understanding the election process better. I really don't have a problem with people sharing facts or even their opinions. What grinds my gears are the people who think they know so much that they condemn others for not knowing what (they think) they know or for not agreeing with their stance. It irks my soul when a person tries to force information on another in a judgmental and condescending way. And it makes my skin crawl when someone has just discovered a documentary on Netflix or just realized that CNN or MSNBC is in their channel line-up or watched a debate for the first time in their 53 years and now all of sudden they are experts spewing hate, stupidity, or misinformation in the most obnoxious way possible. Those are the cases when I wish that a person would just vote and STFU! People, especially adults, should be able to voice their opinions and state facts without attacking a person's intelligence or character. Then, you have the other extreme; folks who pretty much mirror the techniques of the people mentioned above, except they are NOT voting! But not only are they vehemently explaining why we shouldn't vote and why most of our votes don't count anyway, they are also plentiful with the complaints! Complaining about the inadequacies of the candidates, about what politicians have or have not done, about the state of our government, and the list goes on. All of this without offering any logical solution or having/implementing any alternate action plan. Truth be told, I don't think the powers that be are too interested in what a non-voter has to say. How do the kids say it? I thought somebody who don't vote said sum'n! Lol...but seriously, things are set up so the main way to be heard is to exercise your civic duty and vote...not just in the presidential election, but in your local elections which have more of a direct effect on you, your community, and your everyday life. So, this case is when I need people to vote or STFU! If not voting is the best decision for you and your household, fine, that's totally your prerogative. But again, leave other people alone if they don't agree and shut your complaining face up if you have no solutions or intentions to make any moves toward change. As a Black woman, I'm ALWAYS going to vote. There have been too many who fought and suffered before me, just so I could have this right. If for nothing else, I feel like I owe it to my ancestors. I respectfully encourage all who can to vote. Become as informed as you can. Do you your own research and fact checking. We literally have all the information and resources we need right at our finger tips, right in our pockets and pocketbooks! https://www.usvotefoundation.org/vote/eoddomestic.htm Use this link for any voting questions you may have. No matter where you are in the country, you can use this link to check your registration status, find out early voting times and locations, absentee ballot deadlines, and more. 10/14/2020 6 Comments He Was Teasing Me!So I was thinking about Bernie Mac (RIP)...I know it's random, but stick with me. I was thinking about his final joke on The Original Kings of Comedy (a joke that would probably be considered highly offensive these days, btw). Sue me, but I still crack up EVERY time I see it! You know the one where the the kid who stutters really bad goes to get on the school bus, but every time the bus driver opens the door, he ends up pulling off after waiting because the kid takes a long while trying to get out what he has to say before getting on the bus. After a few times, the boy's mother goes with him to the school bus and asks the bus driver why he keeps leaving her son and it turns out he's a bad stutterer too, so he thought the boy was teasing him! Y'all...this is exactly what my dating life, I dare not call it a love life, has felt like for the past *16 years. Except it ain't funny! *From here on out, we'll refer to my dating life as Not So Sweet 16.
Not So Sweet 16 has felt like "he" was teasing me and I'm not even certain who "he" is; God, The Universe, Mars, Satan, Ashton Kutcher, I DON'T KNOW! What I DO know is that the end of every dating situation during the Not So Sweet 16 has left me feeling like I was SOOOOOOOOO close, yet SOOOOOOOOO far. As a matter of fact, as I type, I'm in the process of being ghosted. 😑 I've been so unlucky in love. I don't understand! I mean, I've got loving myself down pat. I've learned plenty of lessons and kissed enough frogs. I don't need anymore examples or samples or glimpses or prototypes. Don't get me wrong, by no means am I desperate. I have a full life and am not needing anyone to "complete" me, but I AM human and there are just parts of life, good and bad, that I long to share with a partner, not just my mama, my son, or my girls. I think 2020 has had us all seeking out a little extra support! I'd also like to have someone other than my mother as my emergency contact. LOL! There are parts of singledom I appreciate and enjoy...however...ENOUGH already! I'm 41 years old...41!!!!!! I need this part of my life to get poppin while I'm FAIRLY young-ish and while the world is still in one piece. I don't know if you know though, but lots of people are trash and "dating" is even stinkier trash. Overall, the process has not been fun for me. It's actually been anxiety inducing and more often than not, time wasting. And even though I said it wasn't, this ish IS funny. Not So Sweet 16 has been so ridiculous at times, it's pure comedy. A comedy of errors. A series of unfortunate events. At this point, I want "him" to stop teasing me and just send the perfect guy to me in one of those Amazon Prime trucks or something. Anything is possible, right?? 6/4/2020 2 Comments Grownish...So I was thinking about how my son turns 18 years old today AND graduates from high school on Sunday. I feel such a wide range of emotions (which has been the case every day this year so far). The most prominent feelings I have right now are relief, happiness, and excitement, mixed with a tinge of fear and worry. Let me see if I can break these down for you a bit:
There were times I would look at other parents post about their children on social media, about their academic accomplishements or their sports prowess, and I would be envious. I would start to second guess my mothering skills and be upset because I didn't have anything to brag about. However, comparison is the thief of joy, and I had to remind myself that every person has their own path and that doesn't make any child or parent better than the next. My son has his own path to follow and I have plenty to be proud of. My heart bursts with pride for how he continues to overcome and push through mental health obstacles, major life changes, and just the everyday struggles of being a teenaged black male. Happy Birthday and Congratulations to my JR!❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉 3/28/2020 2 Comments Stay the (BLEEEEEEEP) Home!!!So I was thinking about what the entire world has been thinking about; the Coronavirus. I must admit, when news of the pandemic started gaining more traction, I didn't think much of it or take it as seriously as I obviously should have. I guess I thought America was safe and wouldn't be struck as drastically as places like China or Italy. I thought people were over-reacting and simply giving in to media induced hysteria. After that, I was under the impression that the ONLY demographic that could be negatively, even fatally, effected were elderly people. Then, I learned that immunocomprised individuals were also at risk, which includes people who are diabetic, asthmatic, have cancer, etc. The pieces of the puzzle all came together for me and FINALLY locked into place in my brain when the Governor of Illinois mandated a "shelter-at-home" for the state and as more American cities/states followed suit. I began to pay closer attention to the rising number of cases, the increasing mortality rate, the steadily falling economy, and other factors and news related to COVID-19.
What seemed like a frighteningly disturbing episode of Black Mirror or The Twilight Zone became even more real as the unwelcoming ramifications of this virus began to inch closer and closer to home. It went from news from thousands of miles away to knowing somebody who knows somebody who encountered somebody who was infected to knowing somebody who knows somebody infected to knowing somebody infected to actually losing my former manager/old friend to this seemingly stealthy invader. I get it now. This is real. It isn't fake news. It isn't just going to fade away suddenly. Hospitals are filling up, resources are running low, people are DYING! But, for some reason folk STILL aren't getting it! We need to stay the (fill in the blank with the most emphatic word that works for you) home!! DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. IF YOUR JOB IS NOT ESSENTIAL, THERE'S NO REASON TO BE OUTSIDE. YES. GET FOOD AND MEDICINE AND NECESSITIES, BUT ANYTHING ELSE CAN WAIT! LIMIT THE TIME SPENT OUTSIDE YOUR OWN RESIDENCE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. STOP VISITING FAMILY AND FRIENDS. DON'T HAVE CHURCH GATHERINGS OR HAPPY HOURS OR BIRTHDAY PARTIES OR SLEEPOVERS OR DATES OR GYM SESSIONS. IF THEY DON'T LIVE IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD, CATCH THEM LATER! THINK ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF. BE A PROTECTION AND A HELP TO OUR ELDERLY AND OTHERS WHO MAY BE MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO INFECTIONS. IF YOU NEED TO, DROP FOOD OR SUPPLIES OFF TO YOUR LOVED ONES AND THEN SKEEDADDLE!! COUGH AND/OR SNEEZE IN A TISSUE AND IMMEDIATELY THROW THE TISSUE AWAY. CLEAN AND SANITIZE SURFACES. WASH YOUR HANDS WITH SOAP AND WATER!! I may not know all the medical terms or may not be able to articulately explain the "flattening of the curve", but I DO know it is better to be safe than sorry. I'm constantly making a conscious effort to do everything within my power to be as safe as possible and am encouraging others to do the same. No, we don't have to live in fear and panic. Pray, have faith, be positive, stay hopeful, etc. All of that can be done while being wise, thoughtful, cautious, patient, and using common sense. You have time. Use it to educate yourself on what's happening around you and why it is important to adhere to social distancing and what it will mean in the long run. Stop being naive and thinking you or those you love are invincible. Be thankful that we live in an age of techonology where there are a plethora of ways to virtually keep in touch with anyone, at any time, in any place. Take advantage of FaceTime or Zoom or Skype or email or texts or Marco Polo or WhatsApp or Instagram voice/video or Facebook voice/video or good old fashioned picking up the phone and placing a call! Get on Al Gore's internet and find all the freebies that are available now; free concerts, free media subscriptions, free workouts, free deliveries, free classes, free tutoring, and more! Journal, read, exercise, meditate, pray, clean, work on your business plan, dream, watch your favorite tv shows or movies, listen to music, sing, dance...whatever you do, STAY THE (BLEEEEEEEEEEP) HOME! 1/28/2020 7 Comments Time...So I was thinking about what a lot of us have been thinking about since Sunday: Kobe Bryant and the other lives lost in the helicopter tragedy on 1/26/2020. I know we've all been inundated with news stories, podcast specials, social media posts, etc, and that's one of the reasons I had to go ahead and write. This has been on my mind and heart so heavy, I wouldn't be able to move on like I need to without an outlet to release all these feelings I have. Forgive me if things are all over the place. It has been hard for me to gather my thoughts.
There are several celebrities whose deaths have impacted me and who I have sincerely grieved for; Aaliyah, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Prince, and a few more. It's like I grew up with these people. I listened to their music, watched their movies, saw them on TV, watched interviews, and read articles. Thankfully, I got to see Prince in concert as well. I even remember ministers using some of their songs as titles for their sermons! Until their death, MJ, Prince, and Whitney had been around and heavily visible for my entire life! Aaliyah was just a few months older than me and I followed her career from the beginning. Because of their talent, their status in the entertainment industry, their high profile relationships, and for some, their even higher profile troubles, I knew more about them than some of my family members! Shoot, we have so much celebrity access via various media outlets, they can start to seem like family/friends. Now, I'm not the biggest sports fan. I mean, it's cool but it isn't my cup of tea like it was in the 90's, especially basketball! I was born and raised in Chicago and grew up during the Jordan era when the Bulls were on fire! I used to actually watch games and not just during the playoffs. I may not have been familiar with their positions, but I knew all the players on The Bulls and many from the other teams. I watched the games when Jordan led Chicago to 6 championships. I remember when Chicago's Kevin Garnett went straight to the NBA from high school. And I remember when Kobe Bryant did the same after him. Like those I mentioned before, it's like I grew up with him! I remember he was a year older than me. I remember he graduated in 1996, and that he took Brandy to prom! After 1998, when The Bulls won their last championship, I didn't watch much basketball, but it didn't matter because Kobe Bryant became a household name. I know he spent his 20 year career with The Lakers and that he became what many consider to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time. I didn't keep up with his stats or keep track of the number of championships he led his team to, but I did pay attention to what I saw in the media about his family, I was aware of his various business ventures, I enjoyed various commercials and guest spots, and I did watch his last game before he retired in 2016. I even remember when he tried his hand at rapping...lol...this loss has struck a major cord. I've been legitimately grieving since I heard the news on Sunday. Before I get into my personal feelings about everything, let me just say this: I already have a love/hate relationship with technology and social media and things like this cause me to lean more toward hate. I keep hearing that families found out by seeing it online like we did. Can you imagine the added devastation?? The other annoyance that comes to the forefront during these times are the folk among us who are extra "woke" and hypercritical. They're quick to spew their disapproval of humans caring for "this" and not for whatever "that" they deem is more important. And why is it okay for us to care about some people we don't know and not others?? Even as I type, I'm still trying to understand and properly articulate why this has hurt me to the extent it has. Maybe it's the nostalgic element. Perhaps it's knowing that he was young, healthy, and doing something that he did often. It's probably because I'm thinking about how close we were in age and this incident has reminded me that of the few certainties we have in life, death is one. We can't control it. We can't predict it. We have no say. When it's our time, it's our time. It's unnerving, but also motivation to live my best life and live, love, and serve like every day is my last. It's possible that this traumatic event pains me to this degree, because my heart is bursting with sympathy and compassion for his wife, his daughters, and the other families of the rest of the passengers who lost their lives on that helicopter. I even think about what their last moments must have been like as they were going down. Did they get to say anything to each other? Did they pray? Cry? Scream? Were they afraid when they realized what was happening? Or did they find their peace? Did they hold hands? Hug? Maybe I've been crying off and on since Sunday, because this freak accident reminds me of my own sudden loss. It'll be 13 years this Sunday, 2/2/2020, since my 19 year old brother died in a car accident as he headed to get a haircut before work; young, healthy, doing what he did often. Both occurrences sparked questions of; Why him? Why now? Why the good people? Both reignited an acute awareness of human mortality and God's sovereignty. Each incident caused me to take inventory of what is really important and shocked me into remembering the insignificance of temporal and petty things. I've also gotten a greater realization that though death is an inevitable part of life, we're still not 100% ready when it hits and the timing or the way in which it happens will not always make sense. I can't control death, but I CAN control how I live my life and how I treat others, so when I leave, it's with few regrets. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die...A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 2a, and 4 (KJV) |