The Optimistic Divorcees was a blog co-created by myself and Shari Anderson. It was established, not to promote divorce, but as a platform to promote strength, courage, and happiness. We wanted to let people who were experiencing divorce know that there is a fulfilling life after divorce. We needed them to understand that they could be happy and content in their state, and know that no matter what, they were going to make it, and that they would find their happily ever after! On this blog we shared stories related to our marriages and divorces, our dating experiences, and other elements pertaining to life after divorce. We also welcomed other divorcees as guest bloggers to share their stories.
Although the blog is no longer active, the message remains the same. I've included some of our archived posts here, which may periodically contain some updates. Read, comment, and enjoy! While you're at it, check out Shari's latest venture as food blogger extraordinaire: Sup! with ShariLachelle
Originally posted on August 17, 2016
Funny story, to me at least, lol. At the church where I grew up, from my teens to young adult years, we would (and they still do) have a huge annual Christmas concert. I mean it was (is) a big deal. We would get new robes with doves or overlays with praying hands or blouses with fancy ruffles. We’d prepare special music, have guest soloists/groups/choirs/musicians/directors, have special marches, and even have funky choir choreography, lol! And every single year, like the last week, up until the day of the concert, our choir director would be on edge! Choir rehearsal was tense. He was not there for the talking, playing, or any other distraction or imperfection during rehearsal. When he was REALLY fed up, he’d start rubbing his head and then he would explode and yell, “I’M TEETERING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I’m chuckling to myself, even as I type. Now don’t get me wrong, the first time or two, we were kinda shook. Our director was not like that; he was usually easy-going and mild-mannered so we were caught off guard the first couple of times. Then, once we realized that’s just what he does when things didn’t seem to be going his way at concert time, it was just FUNNY!!!
I bet you’re saying to yourself, “What does this have to do with optimistic divorceeism?” Well, I’m glad you asked. It relates to how I feel about dating and being optimistic about love right now. I’ve had a few bad experiences in the last few months that have made me holla “I’M TEETERING!!!!!” Take a look.
Situation 1: I’ve mentioned before how I’ve tried various dating sites. Even though that is the case, I felt that I had never put any REAL effort into online dating. Meaning, I barely logged in and if I did end up exchanging numbers with someone, we usually didn’t get beyond a couple of texts, MAYBE a phone call or two AND out of all the sites I had been on over time, I only had interaction like that with 3 men, no actual dates. I wouldn’t have a profile up for long, I would get bored, and just delete. This year I decided that I would change that. I got back on OKCupid. I chose this particular site because several of my former co-workers had huge successes. I’m talking live-in boyfriends and husbands. Anyway, to not make a long story longer, this time around, after talking to about 3 guys on the phone, but none of them being able to hold my interest for very long to even make it to a first date, “he” inboxed me. It was the best message I had ever received. He literally had me at hello! We chatted for a while there, graduated to email, then text, then phone conversations, and then our first date. From there it was just lovely. He was handsome, chivalrous, smart, sweet, a hard worker, and a seemingly good father. He would send me sweet nothing texts and songs. After just a few weeks, he took his profile down and said that he hoped that this was it, he said that he felt that we could develop a “loving and lasting relationship”. We communicated all day every day in some form or another and managed to see each other about 2-3 times a week. But you know how Shari and I tell you to not ignore red flags? I did not practice what I preached. There were a few red flags. I actually confronted him about a couple and even though, in my gut, I felt that both answers were caca, I just ignored it because I was having such a good time. It had been so long and I just didn’t want to let go. All the sugary goodness lasted about six weeks. Then the communication slacked up, he told me that he was too busy with work so he could only commit to seeing me once a week, then about 2 weeks after that, the week of my birthday, he told me that he didn’t have time to date at all. Even after that we texted every now and then and hung out a couple of times. After the last time I saw him, I didn’t hear from him anymore. But guess who popped up in my new matches on OKC??!! Yep. You guessed it, Mr. I Don’t Have Time To Date. I saw that. It hurt my lil feelings, I texted him just a small piece of my mind and said no reply needed. I got mad at myself for knowing better and not doing better, but it’s cool. Lesson learned! (Update: I just saw on Instagram that he got engaged about 3 days ago! Congrats to him!!)
Situation 2: I met this guy at this big birthday party that this other I guy I know has every year for his birthday. He was younger, but he was nice, so I said, what the heck. We talked on the phone and texted for about a week. He seemed smart, sweet, and funny. We planned to go on a date. We were supposed to go to the movies and dinner, when the time came, he called me and asked me to go to his cousin’s wife’s birthday party because he hadn’t seen them in years and he stopped there before he got me and was having such a good time he didn’t want to have to leave since they hadn’t seen each other in 4 years, but he also really wanted to hang out with me. When he came to get me, he had 2 automatic strikes against him. 1. He had his younger brother in the back seat. On our FIRST date?! 2. He drove this ginormous pick-up truck. Do you think he helped me get in that boy?! So we go to the party which really wasn’t a party but just him, his cousins, and their women sitting around shooting the breeze. When he dropped me off, I told him that he owed me a real date. The next day we’re texting and he says, “I have a question for you”. I tell him that I may have an answer. He proceeds to ask me something sexual. I said, “Oh. So that’s all you’re on with me?” He’s all like “No, no…but I think that we should be able to talk about anything.” I advised him that I agree that a couple should be able to talk about anything, but they have to GET to that level and seeing as we had only been talking a week and hadn’t even been on a real date yet, we weren’t there. I didn’t hear from him anymore. (Update: A couple weeks ago, this fella's "wife" slid in my DMs, asking if I had slept with her husband...you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and let y'all see the screenshot...I just took so long trying to post a screenshot, but this lil site won't let me be great! Anyway, My answer was, "Girl, what?!" and she said something about not trying to come for me and seek revenge but that she was just checking with everybody because she knows that he lies. I told her, "Chile, naw. But, I hope you find what you're looking for." She just said, "Me too."
If I recall correctly, he told me that he was divorced. After she contacted me, I went to his page and that same day he posted that he was on vacation with some other woman who was his bae, so I don't know what's going on there...)
Situation 3: I met this other guy on OKCupid. We exchanged numbers and had little small talk texting convos. He seemed cool enough. The fella called me on two occasions, but I missed the call both times and never called him back. I finally decided to call and it was the most agonizing 6 minutes of my life. The conversation was totally disjointed, nonsensical, and contained the longest and most awkward silences I had ever experienced in my life. That was the first time we talked and the last time we had any type of communication.
These 3 scenarios that happened over a span of the last 5 months, along with reflection of my past love life (or the lack thereof) have had me TEETERING!! I have to be honest. It’s hard out here for singles and sometimes it just seems almost downright impossible to stay optimistic about finding love again. There have been times, when I had my first “teetering” experiences, where I teetered close to the edge and almost toppled over the cliff into the abyss of giving up. But now it passes, I can laugh, and thankfully I have some things in place to keep me upright when I find myself tottering, swaying, and staggering too close to the edge of being unoptimistic (Yes, I made this a word, lol).
I know it has been a long while, but I hope you didn’t forget, we have to end with a beat! India.Arie is always in order, lol. I may have used this before, but there can never be too many reminders telling us, There’s Hope. Enjoy! (We used to end all of our blog posts with a "beat" but with all of the copyright infringement scares, I won't be doing that here. Please go and look up the music though!)