So I was thinking about job interviews and how I loathe them. Lol...but for real! It’s extremely hard for me to “sell” myself and answer those stupid questions they ask you at every interview. The words “tell me about a time” make me want to tear my ears off and rip somebody’s tongue out. 😩 I can’t “tell you about a time” Susan, because that ish has never happened to me or it HAS happened, but every time I get in an interview, I get a chronic case of temporary amnesia, so I really don’t know what to tell ya. Where do I see myself in 5 years?? Prayerfully, some place far far away from here, finally doing what I love. Becks, truth is, right now I just need to be closer to the crib, doing what I gotta do until I don’t have to do it anymore. Ya feel me?? Why do I think I’m a good fit? Because it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to do what you’re asking. And you’re in luck, cuz I’m no rocket scientist, although I’m probably way smarter than you, which doesn’t matter since you’re the one asking the questions while I sit here with excessive dry mouth and disgustingly sweaty palms...These are all things I want to say or am thinking, but I replace it with some semi-intelligent, what I hope is convincing, tell’em what they wanna hear bs...
Now, what I CAN do is write and if given the time, opportunity, computer or pen and paper, I could knock these interviews out of the ballpark! Like seriously, why can’t interviews just be like essay questions on an exam??
You know the other thing I hate about interviews? The fact that per HR policy a certain number of interviews have to be done within the company or whatever the stipulations are for conducting interviews even though they may already know who they want to hire. Recruiters, hiring managers, or to whomever else this may concern, if you see my name up for a position where this is the case, please do NOT pass go. Skip on by me, k? And stop kee keeing with or grinning at me and oohing and aahing about my answers making me think I got this in the bag and you KNOW you have the “Thanks for coming out, but we’re going with another candidate and you’ll no longer be considered for this position but you can keep applying” email ready to send in your drafts! And even if you don’t know, I’d rather interviewers keep the poker face. Don’t get my hopes all up with your flattering reactions and body language.
Can you hear the rejection and bruised ego in my tone here?? 😫😢 I hope whoever was hired instead of me, quits their first week...(sets reminder to remove my website from my email signature when corresponding with a potential employer🤣).