So I was thinking about how sad I get during this season. Holidays have been awful for my family since my little brother died unexpectedly in a car crash almost 12 years ago. That, in conjunction with being single and the emphasis placed on relationships and family during the holidays, made me dread this time every year! I decided that this year would be different. I refuse to be sad! Yes, I miss my brother something terrible and yes, I’m still as single as the day is long, but I will not wallow in either of those. Being sad is exhausting. I’m tired of giving in to that misery year after year. This year I decided to redirect my energy. Sadness did rear its ugly head, and though that emotion is legitimate, I’ve chosen to shift my focus. I’m not dwelling on my brother not being here, but I’m thinking about the wonderful times we had together when he was and working on continuing to make lasting memories with my loved ones who surround me now. I’m making it my business to cherish every possible moment! And though I have no significant other, I am still showered with enormous amounts of love. I’m finding joy in so much. I’ve been buying gifts and almost giddy with excitement at the thought of people’s reaction when they get the gifts! I’m extra in love with the corny and predictable, yet heartwarming holiday movies and the joyous, festive music...
So I was thinking about how I started this post the other day and then how I feel in this moment. I was thinking about how it seems whenever I talk about choosing happiness or how often times, when I promote positivity, I'm met with an obstacle meant to destroy my joy and annihilate any shred of hope that's present. But then I started thinking about how yesterday, I saw this one particular video about 192 times. First, it was sent to me in a group message, then I started seeing EVERYBODY post it! The video was of this 13 year old powerhouse singing an oldie but goodie gospel tune called For the Good of Them. I was seeing it so much, I became BEYOND annoyed, but now I know why it was being constantly brought to my attention. God knew the trial that I would face yesterday evening. He knew that tears would come, that my core would be shaken. He was already aware that my smile would start to fade and that my peace would begin to wane. God, in all his omniscience, had the inside scoop on the blow to my confidence that I would experience and the wavering of my faith. The confusion, frustration, pain, anger, and defeat that was felt was no surprise to Him, so I was being encouraged in advance with these words:
No matter what the problem,
You can't solve them. They will come, but don't you worry.
It will work out, for the good of them who love the Lord!
So, because of this fact, regardless of how things look, I will continue to be positive and choose happiness. Trials are inevitable and I can healthily process whatever emotions they may bring, but there is no need to drown in those emotions, ESPECIALLY since I still have so much to be thankful for. I can do the best with whatever is in my power and leave the rest up to God, because I know He has my back. No matter what comes my way, it's all working out for my good and I don't even need to worry!